The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Bigby Wolfe
Do the Math
Lori is a math whiz. One day, she comes across something purported to be the "equation of life." You know what ensues.
Average Scores:

Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Juvenile characters make me uneasy. The self-control was nice, and the BE was okay, but I really couldn't get over the fact that these girls were in highschool. sorry.

Benji Dude
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

A nice idea with loads of potential, sadly unrealised, hopefully the next (if there is one) will be more developed and indepth. I think it may be worth while doing a re-write of this or just expanding on the part where she is experimenting with the formula, which the writer just very quickly glanced over in one sentence, just think of all the funny things she could accidentally do to her self.

Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

I liked the story and content but you could proably go into more depth in the experimenting with the formula. If you do write a second one show the equation to more than one person.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4

Not a bad story, but not a memorable one either.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

I agree with the previous reviewer, this is a good story but not too memorable. It's a fun idea, and the main character is cool, but let's see some more to both the idea and the character. For example, we didn't see much of her with Penny before things started to go weird, so her investment in her friendship came out of the blue. Also, go ahead and make the main character really remarkable for being able to understand this formula, and explicitly show her continued experimentation with it. Girls getting fatter don't "do anything" for me, but there's no need to skip right to the breasts. Perhaps she makes some dangerous changes with the formula - perhaps up the road she internalizes the formula and can change it mentally, or someone else gets a hold of the page and changes it, not knowing what it's doing to her. There's a lot of variations to this that you could follow up on.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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