The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Dill Co. - Emily and Steph
Part one of the Dill Co. tale. Part two to follow based on reponce. Email any comments to
Average Scores:

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

I liked this story. I like the idea and your content (although I'm not a fan of ass growth). Now for the technical part. The intro was very good, it almost feel like two authors worked on this. One wrote the intro and another wrote the rest. The story needs more detail. (I know, I hate hearing that. It is a vague statement at best.) Describe how the changes impact her mentally. If you are going to body modify characters while they are asleep, then give them more to discover when they awake. You should try changing a character while awake. Think how the character feel while they are changing. Then write it out. Don't take peoples comments too serious. I get a lot of negative comments because my tech sucks. I feel if you want to tell a story, the tell it.
Keep writing.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Oh it hurts so much! God forbid please no 2nd part.

Let me do the same story in less words but never less exciting:
invented pills, steal pills, take pills, grow a lot, growing dick, pleasure and out!

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

... You know, the first paragraph was interesting. Cliche story, but hey, looks like the author's going to try to give it some background... Nope. Less than a page and a half, no description, poor style, not to mention nonsensical. Maybe Pt. 2 would shed some light on the subject, but if it's no better written or thought out... I don't know.

This author shows plenty of promise in the willingness to try and create a backstory, but then he goes away from it completely. PLEASE work on deepening your storyline! And your style is way to haphazard, and does too much 'telling' instead of 'showing' - to borrow 7th-grade english phrasing.

Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 3

This is a story? It's more like a quick wank that you quickly lost interest in.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

This was extremely short and not very sweet. This wasn't a very good story, have to agree with Hell-Scythe and Rozi, you really need to work on details. I can tell you right now if a girl woke up with massive breasts and a dick, she'd freak. Work on telling an actual story next time.

Nobody special
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Far far too short for me to care about the characters or get worked up about what they're going through. Some potential in the introduction, but give me some follow through!

Flush Hanger
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 3

Please do not assault us with part 2.

Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

Part 2? Doesn't seem like you even finished Part 1! That said I also believe that there is potential here, you just have to put some effort in. Half a page is not a story; take however many parts you have planned and put them altogether (taking the many good, constructive suggestions you've gotten here already) and write out the ENTIRE story as you eventually envision it.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

No 2nd part, please. I think even the suggestions from the others how to improve will not help.

Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 2

Jessie, I think you really ought to write some more. I'll admit, this story was way too short, and I can't stand "while asleep" changes... but you definitely seem to have some a bit of talent and you're into some good stuff. I'd highly suggest, if you do a second part, that you actually try to describe the changes as they're happening (perhaps even with them awake). Also, you might be better off going with saying that the girl's clit grows huge, not that she actually just grows a huge dick... unless you're really into that. It would just make a bit more sense (and, to me, it's more erotic).

Basically put, I hope you make more, but either way I'd love to see ANYONE take the idea and expand upon it. We need some more growth stories with this kinda stuff!

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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