This is the first story from writer sick of life. About a young girl and her jaded boyfriend. When she decides to take drastic measures to keep him he finds out what it's like on the receiving end of criticism.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.20
- BE: 3.60
- Characters: 3.60
- Technical: 2.80
Ubu
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Short but very good. The BE scene would have been better had it lasted longer and not caused by a magic potion.
Prophet Tenebrae
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
For a first effort - I would say this is very good. I think that there are perhaps points at which you could tidy up the grammar or the sentence structure but it's generally sound in that department and you even paragraphed it nicely and had a good style of narration which were real bonuses.
The characters aren't really too fleshed out but I would say that you managed to basically give us a good idea of them. The narrator is a breast loving bastard and the girl is lacking in confidence...
The fact that the guy changes his ways is reasonable but it seems that for someone who was a real bastard he didn't really get the come uppance that he deserved. Since when did karma involve the "bad guys" getting hooked up with the uber hottie and turned into some kind of greek god?
The transformation was pretty interesting but I think perhaps could have done with a little more description. Anyway, good short story overall.
Benji Dude
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
Not a bad story overall, characters could have done with a bit more discription. The main problem I had with it was the grammar, lots of "my" instead of "me" and quote marks don't sit by them selves it's "oh my god!"... and not " oh my god ! " ... Next proof read and it'll be a much more enjoyable read. A good first effort just needs a little more care and attention, keep it up!
Angelus
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
I enjoyed this story, and I spoke of it on the BEA. There are some grammar/dialogue issues, but I loved the fact that she induced the transformation on herself and there was dialogue during the transformation. Excellent work, keep it up!
Hmmm
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
I have to agree with previous posters - another pass with a grammar and spell checker would have benefitted this story. From the description, I was expecting the narrator to "get his" a little more before his change of heart. His part in the story is a bit truncated. That said, the narration is of good quality and the story itself is excellent. Good work.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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