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A Wishing Rock, Superpowers, Supergirls, Supertits...
Edited Part 1 after some feedback about paragraphs, hence the double upload. Please give some feedback again, I try to improve my stories. Thanks alot!
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.56
- BE: 3.89
- Characters: 3.33
- Technical: 3.56
Caylane
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Grayface
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
This is one of my favorit stories! I realy do hope one day you post asnother part. Thanks for positng it. I know I late to the party but better late then never.
matthias
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 2
hey great story loved every minute
basil_jelly
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Not my cuppa. Not bad but not for me.
feisar
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Fantastic, I really enjoyed it.
Prophet Tenebrae
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
I have to say that despite the cliche setting for this story that I found it quite enjoyable. The formatting was fine, the only thing I could suggest is that maybe you put it in basic html so that people's internal monologue can be in italics... also, perhaps giving a paragraph break for characters thoughts too?
I think there are two big weaknesses. First, despite the wish about everyone a D-cup becoming a superheroine, we don't really see that described in passing. It would add a lot to the atmosphere if perhaps you added in some scenes where ordinary busty women are ripping out of their clothes as they hulk out or smack around some purse snatchers. Ok, there might not be a huge number of busty women in the town but I think that there'd be a few dozen and it would add a lot if they got a few moments, just so we know that the world has been changed.
Secondly, the characters are maybe a bit shallow. I don't think that's a fatal flaw because you compensate with a lot of good tf description but they still feel very flat. For example, you don't really explain why Betty is so worried about taking the wish rock - why doesn't she just use it herself? That said, I liked the Betty/ Cindy dynamic and I think you've got sufficient stuff there to possibly make Cindy a villian later or maybe just give her some interesting story about how the power has changed her and how she feels about that. etc.
I liked Mandy's kind of fused traits, somewhere between Rogue and Mystique - very nice and overall a thoroughly enjoyable story for a superheroine transformation fiend like me, I look forward to the next installment and thank you for writing this.
Elbee
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Thank you so much for posting! I had a great time reading it! It could be a little sexier...and the characters could revel in their powers more....and flaunt them a bit more...but then that would be MY story!
Once again..thanks!!!!
Elbee
gstotts2001@yahoo.com
Ben Collings
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
A good story can't wait for the next part, I just hope the characters become a bit more "full" like someone else said they were abit flat and that any speech is in quotation marks, it made it a little tricky to read.
buddyu
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
I liked it but i would like to see more superpowerd sex.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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