ok, it's small and badly written. But it's my first start for a story. It's about my girlfriend and my fantasies with her. And I will not give her pills for christmas ;)
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.83
- BE: 3.00
- Characters: 3.17
- Technical: 2.17
MrHHH
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
This story would of been much better if you spent a little time polishing it up. At least spell-check it man!
Anonymous
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
While the plot as a whole came off as being okay to me and had quite a few good points, I found your story overall to be a real trial to read; the spelling/grammer mistakes drove me nuts and really detracted from my enjoyment of the story. Please spend the time to clean up your work before you submit your next piece (if you write another).
bmandd
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Great start for your first story. I like the premise a lot I wish you will continue the story soon.
Anony
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Bogrh
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
Could use some polishing, though I didn't find any of it's technical problems got in the way of my enjoyment (as it sometimes can). You've already acknowledged that you haven't edited it and will work on it in the future, so that's fine. I really enjoyed the author's voice in this story. It was used very consistently and very easy to relate to. The characters were amazingly well developed too. I've never read another BE story where the characters felt so real. I quick backgrounds that you gave for the characters were very effective and added to the story nicely. The character's relationship also seemed very realistic and lacked much of the obnoxious, unimaginative crap I see far too often.
Ultimately, the BE is limited, and happens only over time, which reduces the enjoyability. However, it's the only way it could work considering the subject, which is hormone pills. Realistically, what you described is about how it would happen. So I could imagine this story being much more enjoyable for someone who imagined this to be a potential reality.
Lastly, I didn't really notice a physical setting at all. I admit that this is probably the least important component of a BE story, but a little would certainly be beneficial.
Anonymous
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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