Unknown
The 2nd of a 5 part trilogy. (All due respect to The Late great Douglas Adams.) When Jane gets back to work, she finds that whats on the outside actually does count. Again she seeks the help of the Night Owl as her old life falls away. Thank you for reading and letting me improve with your feedback.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.14
- BE: 3.14
- Characters: 3.43
- Technical: 3.43
hug
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
It a nice story, but there is not much happenning in this second part. I would have prefer to have the full story in one shot.
Since you took the magic way... there so much more you could do with your storie and there about no confrontation and you dont describ much all the physical feeling that can of change can do...
anyway, I wont criticise your storie to much since it is your first one. And I could have done better myself, but try to focus on the physical change more than the poor girl, since that what people want here.
good work ! :)
sorry for my english... am french
andrat2000
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Breasts
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Not alot really happened did it?
Basil_jelly
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Love it! Didn't think this could go anywhere but now it is.
Good for you.
Grayface
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Loved it! I am egerly waiting for part 3
The Toymaker
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
I'm giving part 2 lower ratings than part 1 becasue part 2 seems more like an interlude than an actual "part". (that, and there seemed to be more grammatical errors.) I think it would have been better to finih off with the readers knowing the "FFC regulated pain in the ass", than leaving us hanging, especially since that was all that was really going to happen in this chapter. I like the fact that Jane is trying to actually deal emotionally with her newfound powers and the effects that they are having on her life instead of "She got a great new bod, thew out all her old clothes, and went off to conquer the world. The end;" but I guess others aren't quite as into the psyche of the characters. More BE this time, which is good, but it was kinda hurried, I think. I eagerly await Part 3, but don't rush it. Keep up the good work.
rudeypunk
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
Playful and silly, Not much has happened though. I am drawn to keep reading in hope of some real juice in the future.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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