The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Izenrann
The Princess Transformed
The princess Daphnia’s throne is usurped by a wizard, and she is transformed into an elfslut.
Average Scores:

izenrann
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Hi, the author here! Thanks for your comments on the story, both positive and negative. Yes, as you might have observed, this is more a sex story with plot than really a BE story. I've retooled it some and will post a version with more BE soon.rnrn
SirTyrin
Overall= 4, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Nice first attempt! I enjoyed your little story here, it's no award winner, but it was a nice overall read, with likable, if simple characters and none of the mistakes were enough to kick me out of the experience. rnThe story was a little cookie cutter, but that could just be first timer anxiety, not wanting to stray too far from a known successful strategy, so I'm not going to mark you down for that. rnThe BE content was lackluster, mostly being a onetime thing and the detail needs some work. Having it be more gradual and constant would probably have sold it way better, maybe a way for the audience to gauge her corruption level. rnThe stories pacing was consistent, if a little fast paced for a sex based story, pulling the pace back a bit, spending a bit more time on descriptions and selling it would have done wonders. rnHonestly, my biggest criticism is simply that this was posted on The Overflowing Bra as opposed to a site like Literotica, since this story is more of a sexcapade that an expansive tittilation, so your audience targeting was a little off. rnrnTLDR Good first try, learn from this and play towards the goal more
superdutz
Overall= 4, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
I feel like I've read this story somewhere before...I'm into the concept, and it sets itself up for a sequel pretty well, but the changes themselves are glossed over quickly and this quickly becomes just smut. It seems like there's a good place to go with this story and potentially more changes, although I also like seeing a character live with their changes for a while and struggle. Overall I want to like this much more than I actually do, which is frustrating but keep working! I see potential here!
kst
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I liked the story overall. Technically it was readable and any mistakes werent too distracting.rnI really like the main character.rnrnThere was not enough BE... just.... none that mattered.rnrnKeep trying.rnYou write good...er....uh....well
Avid BE fan
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 1
It's evident that this is your first time writing anything. I had a hard time following the story of what was going on with the words chosen, the grammar mistakes, and the clear lack of rereading what you wrote. There's no editing done to this and it's in direct need of it. rnrnIt's evident that you wanted it to be a story first and a piece of BE fiction second. I got 23 and there was only 2 sentences about BE on a BE site. rnrnLet this critique be a learning experience. I hope it doesn't disappoint you to keep trying. I gave your character a 2 because you put some effort into her but overall, it was not a pleasant read.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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