duanpepe@hotmail.com
A young man with a thing for big breasts meets a witch in an online chat room who magically grows her breasts to impress him. Part 1 of an ongoing series.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.00
- BE: 3.13
- Characters: 4.38
- Technical: 4.13
BB47
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Way too short. On the next segment, please give us a bit more to go on before you cut it off. It stopped before it really started.
flies
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
What a tease! I really like where this is going, and I hope there's more to come! The disappearance angle seems right up my alley...
roars
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
So far this story is great and I cant wait for more! This author shows a real talent with this story, which makes me wonder of he has wirtten anything else and where so I can read that too! Please keep it up!
maybeenuf4u
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Good story! I wish it would have went on a little further but that's OK.
WritingBitch
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Not a bad story. Very short though so not much to really go with. I share my critique with HC in that the growth was just... there. There wasn't anything spectacular about it though. Her breasts just went from one size to the next instantly with no real descriptive change. Just make sure to actually talk about the growth, how Timmy is reacting to it and what it looks like other than just her going up a size.
It has promise, definitely. Keep writing!
scotesr
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Can't wait to see the rest. Good story line.
HC
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I really enjoyed this story. It's a great little teaser. I'm a little worried for Timmy, but that's half the fun, isn't it?
You've got a great premise here and you've got me interested. I'll keep coming back for more.
My only suggestion (besides making more of this! XD) is to allow yourself to indulge on the actual growth. Describe it in as much detail as possible. Talk about slopes, heft, weight, size. Even small growth. We're here for the growth. For the process. You've got a great little plot/storyline here and two interesting characters. All you need now is some sexy expansion and we're set. Good job, can't wait to see more!
- HC
banditkings
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
i like your story,and i like the idea were it's going.(magical growth)I myself am a size freak,nothing too big. breast,or penis!i can't judge your writing skill,but i do know want i like. if i may, i would like to make a couple of suggestions. lose the bra,the largest bra,that i know of,is a RR size in real life???? yours are magical,any size is possible. why stop with just breast? almost every guy would like a larger package,me included! keep writing,and bigger is better.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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