Story of an underachiever, achieving the unachievable when it comes to boobs. Part 1 of a multi-part story.
My first time. I have no idea what I’m doing, so be gentle. Some of the idiosyncrasies of the writing are intentional and attributable to the Character telling the story. BE becomes more pronounced and prominent in the parts yet to come.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.50
- BE: 4.00
- Characters: 4.25
- Technical: 3.25
Russian Judge
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
Seems like the oldest trick in the book: when you haven't got your grammar, spelling and syntax down, claim you're doing a "dialect" or that it's "the character." Still, this story has promise. Instead of the obvious trick of "the biggest boobs in the world," your character might travel the world (or the community) finding women who need his services - perhaps getting paid in one way or another, perhaps doing pro-bono work. My suggestion: finding that the power can work on a group of women at once, and visiting a junior high school gathering of girls. Or maybe finding the ability to grow breasts on men as well.
Spathicblond
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
Great concept, would love to hear more of it, could use an editor.
Red
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Real talent here! This kind of thing is hard to do WELL, this one succeeds. Looking forward to the next chapters; please, Chad, find a girl who wants to make a ton of money by being The World's Biggest. Many thanks
anon
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Personally, I think even a stoned narrator comes across better if there's a little more attention paid to grammar. But an interesting start none-the-less.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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