First, to get the only major complaint out of the way, this is just *barely* an expansion story at all. It's definitely erotic fiction, but not the sort I look for here.
Other than that, a very compelling and well written story with fleshed out, compelling characters, a realistic sci-fi setting that never distracts from plot, and, best of all, your fast-paced, conversational writing style is extremely readable, enough that one could get through the novella-length story in a single sitting. You've got a real aptitude for dialogue, summary, pacing and description and I think many of us BE writers should stop and take some notes on how you do things.
The only stylistic complaint I have is that I was occasionally confused by paragraphs in which a character speaks to Max and, in the same paragraph Max relates his reactions. Maybe it's just me, but I find that when there's a change of subject from character to character, it's best to split them up into separate paragraphs. Otherwise, it's unclear who's actually speaking. But, that's really just a quibble.
Overall, an excellent story that’s well worth reading, at least for non-expansion-related purposes. I'd like to see you tackle expansion full on. I haven't read the other stories you've posted yet but I plan to check them out.
