ragnaroc@telus.net
This is a chapter from a much longer story. Submitted here due to the fact that as I did the back story, the main character would not likely be found in this situation.
A man who is "infected" with a sexual spirit hunts for the perfect victim. An old lady whose life has left her behind, and alone.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.83
- BE: 3.33
- Characters: 4.17
- Technical: 3.67
Abhi
Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
That's really thikning out of the box. Thanks!
Dessiree
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 1
great story, it can happened in reality. is this story pertains to
Our mothers or to All wife's of yours? (most men).
forever21friend
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
couldn't read the whole story but so to speak, i like it! it's hard to replace the one you had been used to it, isn't it? physically yes
but mentally no. you can fool every single old ladies in the lower maindland but you can't fool yourself. yourself is your worst enemy..
based on what i experienced.
Milo
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I like the older woman wanting to be young again, to do the things she missed out on. Need a -End Chapter 1- at the bottom. Looking forward to the next chapter.
anon
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
It felt almost too-- clinical? Lots of things being seen and people detachedly described wanting things, as opposed to seeing and doing. I mean, obviously, things happen, but the style seemed so arch as to be almost parodic. I like the idea, though.
fredginator
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Great story, I enjoyed the victim choosing her future life and anxiously await further chapters.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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