duanpepe@hotmail.com
Just your typical story: Girl get kidnapped to be transformed into a sex genie. Girl escapes, makes her boyfriend her master, and begins to change reality around them to fulfill all of his fantasies. Girl also inadvertently starts a zombie apocalypse. (This one is really dark, so it may not be for the feint of heart.)
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.00
- BE: 3.83
- Characters: 4.50
- Technical: 3.67
Roid Abuser
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I enjoyed this story, but it jumped around a bit abrutptly, so I was confused a couple of times. That said, extreme body modification/hyper sexuality (male and female) is my thing, so this certainly hit the right buttons.
Jason G
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I too agree that you use commas where none are needed, but that's about the only thing i could find wrong with this story. In fact, if you took out the whole zombie sub-plot, it could stand alone without being all that dark (except for the kidnapping part). Maybe the only other thing i could suggest would be to put chapter markers and/or numbering. That way, it's easier to pick up where i left off since it's too long to read in one sitting.
Looking forward to next installment! (Your story makes me wish i had time to pick up and write again... i hate the way i left my last story languishing...)
Kusko
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Since Elfworld a big fan of your work. This one has good potential as well although if you keep focussing on the zombie thing it needs a stronger connection to this reality changing power. Also what disturbs me in all kinds of stories is whenever a representative of chaos shows up he's undoubtedly evil. A truly chaotic person is as likely to kill you as he is to finance your college. I'd like to see that. But I'm sure you'll deliver, because you are my favourite writer here.
ktc
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
I, agree, with, the, other, guy , in, this, regards. Good read though aside from that.
CommaticalError
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
Very often, you put, commas in places where, you don't need them, and that can break up sentence, fluidity. It's a great concept and story but, this, can, get, distracting.
Catfish
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I'm a fan of reality alteration, so this is right up my alley. Not so much a fan of zombies, but I am interested in the Lords of Chaos portion of the plot, where it's going to go from here, and how it's going to end up intertwining with the main plot. (I'm also interested in the Venice, Florida, location, which seems a little odd when part of the story involves a basement -- basements really aren't found in the Florida peninsula due to the high water table.)
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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