Julie's eagerness to have a baby leads her to an untested fertility drug and changes to her and her husband Rick that no one could have imagined.
as mentioned, the POV changes and typos were distracting. Didn't mind the PE, but it and the clit growth didn't seem to affect the story at all, they just sort of happened and were forgotten. Also, for all the buildup to the sex scene, it kind of got glossed over. :/
same old song and dance.not sexy,boring.would have been better as a long story with slower growth,less clit and pe.maybe her becoming a godess of sorts.
I have a sneaking suspicion that you are in fact Christian Weston Chandler.
Love the growth and impreg stuff here, but it does seemed rushed. Edit for grammar and tense switches. They are the most jarring thing about the story. Then flesh it out. What happens after he cums? Got some stuff worth saving in here. Just slow down and think it through.
Take the constructive comments here to heart and keep at it.
I must echo the other comments already made here. There is great potential in the basic plot (I also do like preg and lac in my stories) and some of the dialogues is quite erotic, BUT there are huge problems with the grammar/formatting. The biggest thing that reduced my enjoyment was the apparently random interchange between first- and third-person perspectives. I would suggest some proofreading beforehand would pick up on many of the issues.
"Panic sets it, but before she can react Rick grabs your arm and inject the entire syringe into it.."
What? Why is Rick injecting me? I'm not even there! I'm just reading a story!
Could have been a lot worse, but you honestly gave it some effort and I think you have a lot of potential for improvement if you put a little more effort into it next time. Thanks for the story.
Alright. This was a pretty good story (your first?), but there are some small improvements that would really help it out. First and foremost, you have GOT to keep the pronouns in your stories straight. In the second half, I couldn't tell what perspective the story was being told from- figure out who is telling it and how and stick with that point of view.
Perhaps even more important than that, there seemed to me to be very little actual process in the story. The descriptions of the affects the drug was having on her were well done, but there seemed to be almost no mention of her breasts actually growing- they were just "huge" all of a sudden. Speaking of size, this might just be me but DD doesn't seem to be all that big of a difference from a B (where these stories are concerned, at least).
One last note, I would actually put lactation into the story if you put it into the story code. Same goes for the preg tag. All in all though, this was an excellent start! I look forward to what you write next.
A woman injects herself with an overdose of fertility drugs in a desperate attempt to finally get pregnant. The hormone treatment causes breast, clitoral and hip expansion accompanied by elevated horniness. Her husband gets so turned on that he rudely injects her with a double dose causing her to over-expand, especially her V, which prompts him to compensate by injecting himself. Together, their oversized sex organs accomplish the inception that they originally desired. The end. - - - There is something wrong with the way that this story reads. The pacing is strange. The point of view oscillates randomly. Perhaps you should italicize the inner dialogue segments to give them context. Overall, it feels wooden and impersonal. If I read it really fast and glaze through the mistakes and rambling, the sexy parts actually have potential. I get the point of the story and the obsession with fertility.. but your narrative should be secondary to a bigger, more fleshed out story. Create a full setting and give us a better plot and then drop this idea into it. Make it more interesting. What if the woman injected herself, but nothing happened so she went food shopping.. then at the grocery store the hormones kicked in and she was alone in the fruit section. The hormone idea has been used so many times before you have to mix it up. Make it different.. perhaps the high dose has another strange side-effect which causes her to become insatiable.. etc.
Bad. Just bad.
Terrible even for a muck log.
Not great. Seems like it started out as a role-play or something; the narration swaps back-and-forth from "she" to "you" willy-nilly. Sketchily-drawn characters and a seriously ridiculous decision by the husband further tarnish an average idea.