The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

K
The only one
Please rate it. It my first story ever
Average Scores:

Fucktard
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Learn to spell, asshole.

Tdean
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

It was a neat story. Thanks for sharing.

It was a little short. The spell check went crazy a few times and the grammar is kinda rough, but with some editing it could be good.

eagleeye
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

I realize English isn't your first language... but please put more effort in to proper grammar and such.

The Baron
Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 2

terrible stuff, work on your ability to type coherently before making another outing.

Clarissa
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

Bonus points for nipples leaking cum...

But please, spellcheck!! If English isn't your thing, then ask around.

Marq
Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

For an outline, it's okay. For a finished story, it's pretty lacking. As others have said, spellcheck would have been good.
Shill-reviewing yourself is pretty low.

Anonymoous
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 2

You're really creative in your descriptions of their sexual acts, but your grammar really needs some work. Overall, though, I think you have a lot of potential, and with a bit more work on grammar you will be able to write some top-notch stories. Keep it up!

X1
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

I liked the story greatly, however, you need to work on getting the grammar more fluent, I practically had to read it and re-write it to understand it, a rough draft would describe this story really, just needs a bit of work, but the idea and concept behind it was great.

Sil
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

For a first draft, it's OK.
Work on the characters some more (what are they thinking, how do they feel, WHY are they doing certain actions).
Omit or expand some details / sections. The scene with the officer in the beginning does not add anything to the story besides some exposition about the meteor. If that detail is necessary, you can have it on the radio / tv in the background while 'carl' is doing something else.
Also, the brand of motorcycle is probably unimportant to most people. Focus on adjectives to describe it rather than make and model, like 'sleek' 'powerful' 'streamlined' or whatever best fits it. Even then, the look of the motorcycle is only important in how it relates to Carl's character. Does he have a need to drive a fast bike, for example?

MrHHH
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Incredibly difficult to read.

Dragoon
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

I'm afraid I have to agree with most of the other reviews. Your characters have flat and under developed personalities, their actions come across as stiff and unnatural.

There is a distinct lack of descriptions regarding any of the alterations, or the actions they partake in. The circumstances behind their "abilities" is also extremely flimsy.

Spelling and Grammar could certainly use some help. I do understand not speaking English as a primary language, but many of the mistakes found within this particular work could have been avoided with a spell checker. After that, I would enlist someone to proof read it for you.

I do hope you don't take the criticism the wrong way. Many of those that review only do so to help you improve. I wish you good luck with your next submission.

maybeenuf4u
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 1

OK first the good: I liked the story, it was kind of original. I also like that some how two virgins got toether. Keep writing, I think you have a good imagination.

Yes, a spell checker would help, but you also need to reread it. Next if there is any way you can put the story in anything other then .txt, please do. I would suggest d/ling open office a free office suite, then you can save it in m any difft. formats. You can even create a PDF, & it will look more professional (sp?)

I also noticed parts of the story you tend to leap from one part to the other. Its kind of distracting to the reader. Thats all I've got. Please note that I am attempting to be constructive.

Slack
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 2

And really, it is poor form to review your own stories.

OmniTrixie
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Someone tried to throw me into a three once. It would have helped to get some warning. (The extra woman was probably the most surprised, but it was a really narrow margin of victory.)

I'm guessing you're setting the tale in a place you know and you're actually from Denmark, with English as your second language. If so, you've got to learn that spellcheckers won't catch everything. Sentence structure also doesn't quite work the way you seem to think it does, and your paragraph composition needs serious help. As for characters and story -- mileage varies, but to me, this reads as an excuse plot. You wanted to write about that kind of sex scene, so you found the first available excuse and ran with it. Descriptions are weak, character movements feel like puppeteering, and the strings are visible. And we can't talk about dialogue because technically, there isn't any.

You need an editor, practice, and to do a lot of reading.

Anon
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Please have the decency to put it through a spell checker before submitting it.

Richard Whitney Sr
Overall= 3, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

I,m no pro, but i know what i like.The idea of useing cum to inflate is good one. Your story could use a touch of evil(darker side)at first,then slowly getting turned-on.In all,it,s one of the better ones.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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