The Overflowing Bra

you should continue writing I enjoyed the story as well as the be.  I would like more B.E.  .  I also would like bigger, more epic sizes.

Really liked the story and how the characters developed. It was a bit in the story before the BE started. Some spelling errors in the story that could of been avoided(small but noticeable). But over all I would say that this was a good story to read.

First off, I'm just trying to be constructive so please don't take it as more than that(I really would like to read more).  On this story a handful of words being spelled as they sound instead of correctly...the one that got me was Neber Kenezer instead of nebuchadnezzar.  
I'm nitpicking a little, but really the two words I noticed used incorrectly were "coarse" and "then".  Almost every time it should have been "course"(coarse=rough and course or "of course"= definitely) "than"(then=time, than=comparison).  For instance: I got dressed thEn went to the store.  She was happier thAn I saw her in years... or that watermelon is bigger than that cantaloupe. 
As was said in previous reviews of your first and this story, a new paragraph starts when someone different speaks which allows for overall better flow for the reader to understand who is talking.
Even though there wasn't much BE for the length of story(in a BE Story forum), it was a great change of pace for me and an overall great story.  I REALLY would like to see more stories with your characters and it looks like you've opened the door at the end to allow for more.
Thanks for your writing and sharing your creativity.  Keep up the good work.

You did a fantastic job creating wonderful and interesting characters and putting them into interesting situations.
BUT you simply did not have enough be for the given length of the story.  Find a way to make it a bit shorter or just add more be and you have a good deal.

Alright the comments are in no way particularly surprising to me and I was planning on doing this right off the bat. This is a story which has B.E. in it, not a story about B.E. As such it takes a while to actually get around to the sweet candy center. So as a favour to anybody reading this I will enclose the pages were the first sex scene occurs. (page 30. That really did take a while.) The first full blown all out B.E. scene. (Starts on page 56. not the first instance of B.E. but the first heavy one.) The next being on page 63. 

It seems like you came up with an idea for a BE story, and as more ideas for the plot came it got farther and farther away from a BE story and more towards an incredibly self indulgent sci fi/Proust-inspired novella.  There are huge reams of dialogue that serve no purpose except to make the characters obnoxious and annoying, and on top of that it's difficult to follow.  As far as I could tell there's no BE.  I had to give up on page 20, but from looking at the other reviews it seems like the point of the story is in there somewhere.
This takes a while to understand, but the hardest part of writing a good BE story is keeping the ego in check and keeping it simple.  It's hard to focus on the jerk material when what you really want to do is soar around the page.  You're not alone in having that urge, but you're exceptional in your cannonball dive into it.

Two things to remember for future works:
1.  Only one person speaks aloud in any given paragraph.  When someone else talks, it's time for a new paragraph.  
This sort of thing is allowed:  '"I'm talking here," Cal started -- and then Jim tried to break in.  "No!  I'm going to finish this!"'
This isn't.  '"I'm talking here," Cal started.  "The hell you are!"  Jim countered.  "Well, screw you and your stupid story structure!" Cal roared.'
Basically, you can note that someone else is talking (or trying to), but as soon as we hear their words in their own voice, the new paragraph kicks in.     
2.  Start reading your dialogue out loud.  If the pacing sounds awkward coming out of your mouth, imagine how it's sounding from your characters'.  Actually speaking your characters' speeches will help you feel the flow of each sentence.  That way, you'll find out what sounds natural -- along with where the commas should go.

Some grammatical errors which could have been fixed w/ spellcheck.  No biggie, easy to get around, but the story was a length that is not seen very much.  Awesome story tho, keep it up!

Great story, but too much build up in the beginning. Some excitement early in the story would have gone a long way to liven up the early chapters. Also, the music links were a bit off putting until later in the story when the importance of the music to the main character becomes apparent.  
Overall, a fantastic second effort though.  And yes, an editor would have gone a long way for this story.

OK heres the unvarnished truth. I couldn't even find the BE! I began reading, but its way too wordy. After reading the above reviews, I think I'll go back and skip to the end.
I don't want to give a poor review, thats not my style, I try to encourage, and I understand this is a free medium & all, but hopefully this will help you in some small way. 

As far as the grammar. Your biggest problem is you don't put in the subjects of your sentences. Often we can guess what they are but it is much easier and faster for you to actually tell us.

It was amazing work, i couldnt stop reading it even tho i skipped the first two chapters not thinking they were as important, great story plot tho, loved the demon at the end, totally caught me off guard tho with anne and mal dating thing wasnt expecting that, truely amazing (grammer does need work tho) was an excellent story with the be flavor that i prefer more than anything a good bedtime story, thank you

Another excellent story. But you really, really, REALLY need an editor to go through everything. Tons and tons of grammatical errors. Editing your own work rarely works, because your read what your think your wrote, and not what's actually been written.