Imagine if the midas touch created breasts instead of gold. That's the concept, I'm sure something similar has been done before but I hammered this out one evening. Hope you enjoy!
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.29
- BE: 4.00
- Characters: 3.86
- Technical: 4.00
Josey14
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
If nothing else, I would run this story through a spell checker. There were a lot of typos and words that you ran together.
anymouse_68
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Not a bad effort. The characters were a bit flat and could have used more fleshing out. There was a lot of description, but it didn't actually draw the characters.
The other thing that kept breaking up the rhythm of the writing was the use of numerals instead of words for numbers. The general rule is to use words unless you are describing direct numbers such as "the cost came to $13.98" or large,specific numbers "the roster read: trilobytes - 12,876 @ .13 ea.". This is especially true for small numbers such as one or two or large descriptors such as hundreds or thousands.
Also, pay attention to paragraph breaks (especailly for dialog), capital letters at the beginning of sentences and don't overuse the ellipsis.
Again, this has great potential. The overall story was a good concept, but this read like a good first draft. I think you should pick up Stephen King's book "On Writing" and re-visit The Titty Touch again.
Vanthian
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
loved the ending. great twist and never ending story idea. loved it.
blackjack
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
An excellent story, great premise. Would be better as an extended version.
maybeenuf4u
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Sorry its not my cup of tea, the dick getting lost TG stuff. Not that its not kind of fun, but... keep writing though. Youve got potential imho.
Pleasure
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
jrepg
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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