Lucy buys some clothes from a strange shop. My first story, and the first in the Natural Properties series, so any criticism, good or bad, is very welcome.
I remember my first story. I simply wrote a quick scene. Several technical errors weere pointed out to me. But I hope you will continue to contribute ideas in the future. There is so little new things that are good.
Overall a good story. I liked the idea that the BE was the reason for the story and not just a side effect.
Spell check will take care of a lot of the misspelled wrods. :) You did not get back to the gum that fell out of the bag. Would rather the ending had her keeping the clothes and continuing to use them, and be affected by them. Also, mention of others suddenly appearing to have 'suffered' the same fate in a longer version, maybe noticed by Bobby.
Anyway, I look forward to more from you.
Sweet Story. A different style for a change, not a happily ever after type. Seems like not everyone loves BE and sex in the end.
The story read like a cautionary tale about not riping the tags off of clothing. It was short and culminated rather quickly, perhaps prematurely. I'd recommend in your next story that you spend more time with the main character. have them do mundane things, show them doing something they enjoy. It develops character.
I would also suggest having someone look over your work, or giving it a few more once-overs before posting. While spelling and grammar mistakes weren't too numerous, they seemed pretty ovbious, and should have been caught.
A good first effort though, and there could definitely be a lot more to this enjoyable premise, but as is it's a tad short.
I loved it im sorry im picky with details but when you explained the items you forgot to put down what the gum did even tho i believe it made the lips grow not sure tho.
Stylistically, I found this little ditty to be very refreshing. Almost a throwback to "A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich." However, such a style is meant for much longer works, where the tone of understatement and objectivism is allowed to be absorbed more completely and explored more intensly. In fact, this piece could be expanded into a chronicle of the "mysterious store" and its effects on people. This would allow you to do more with the technique as well as lengthen the story. Just a suggestion, though.
That said, the BE could have used more life. Cup size descriptions are fine, but this is a BE story. You need to show how the boobs affect the characters. Treat them as if they're people, too.
Speaking of characters, I suggest giving them a quirk, even if it seems unnecessary or cliche to do so. It's a quick story, but the players should be memorable. Make them stand out from the backround with maybe a compulsive nose scratch or a habitual use of a word or phrase. Stock characters never get the reader hooked.
The only gripes I have over technical quality are a few misplaced gerunds (being, doing, etc.), use of passive voice (although it was rare), and general shortness. Other than that, it was pretty immaculate.
I look forward to anything else you write in the near future. This was good, you just need that extra push to make it pop.
Rushed, both in content and grammer. Slow down, show more. Interesting little universe you've made...don't rush us out of it!
Good efort, I agree with the previous posts though - lacked substance. Go ahead and expand the story a bit and correct the grammer and spelling. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
The story lacked substance; however, the plot has potential. With more actual description you could evolve this one into a much stronger and more impressive beginning to a possibly great series.
Keep up the good work :)
Some of the best stories are the shorter ones. I'm telling you right now that if you can clean up some of the technical junk and look to expand (literally!) on the growth, you'll have one heckuva good story.
The BE needs more detail, don't try to rush things. Twas good overall though.
Had me goin for a bit. Try and be more descriptive with the scenes.
Has potential. The grammar was good with only a few nit-pick things. The story line has lots of options and a decent setup, not too detailed or too generic.
However the actual inflation seemed rushed and vague. Slower with more detail would go a long way to helping the story.Good first start though!