Malcolm meets a girl in the subway whose breasts grow when they get wet. She doesn't like her peculiar abnormality, but maybe Malcolm can convince her it's not so bad?
My first ever story, all comments welcome.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.73
- BE: 3.92
- Characters: 4.50
- Technical: 4.54
Above Ground Pools
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Strange but true. Your resource is expensive. At least it could be sold for good money on its auction!...
christmas4477
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Great stuff, I look forward to seeing more from you.
I_Think
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Excellent story! I thoroughly enjoyed it. The BE and characters could use a bit more development and description, but that is to be expected from a relatively short story. Great command of English, as well!
Jason G
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Very well written, and loads of opportunity for sequels. Please revive this story arc and fill us in on the future adventures of Mal and Mel!
bob-b
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Fun story! How about a spray-mist bottle in the chapter?
Brom Shockley
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
There really is only one thing wrong with this story. I am stil waiting for the second part. There has to be a second part. PLEASE!!! I would really love to see what Mal and Mel wil do in the future.
Hopefully waiting
Brom Shockley
tim
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
so c'mon, give us another, pretty please
k
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Never commented on a story before. Fucking amazing man.
borntofeelya
Overall= 5, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
well the story could use more detail but otherwise good job.
look forward to more from you
yiosep
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
The breast must inflate thin to explode!!!!!!
sully52
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I enjoyed the story. More detail in the physical descriptions would help. Looking foward to more.
szelvr
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
harl
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
jonny
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
the size was great, sometimes people want too big
Guy Incognito
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Great Story, Can't wait for more from you. Like everyone else has been saying, just give a little more detail about the growth itself and your stories will be hands down amazing.
deux_anges
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Very cute. Although the size Mel grew as pretty modest, I wished they breasts grew bigger.
TW
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Very good for a first story!
No noticeable errors and good style of writing, too.
As The Light Fantastic said, the Mal/Mel thing was a bit strange and confusing at times. Small point of criticism: You should try to describe the size and growth of the breasts with more than just cup sizes. Cup sizes are a very abstract form of measurement and make it a little harder for the reader to correctly estimate what size is actually meant, plus a more descriptive size comparison (i.e. fruit, sports equipment ;)...you know the drill) usually aids the reading flow.
All in all a very good story, keep it up and give us more! ;)
The Light Fantastic
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
I very much enjoyed it - it struck the right balance of cute and sexy, I think.
One problem I did have was the Mal/Mel thing. I know it was intentional but it got very hard to read.
caboose
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
AWESOME! whens part 2? ;)
G-man001
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
A very nice addition to the archive! Keep it up!!
volestrangler
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
what a great story! please keep writing!
Johnny
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Great story, definitely need a part two, and or a bit longer. :) More BE description and more fun would be a bonus.
anonymous
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Love this story. Give us more!
inflation_juggalo
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
loved the setting and characters would love to read more in depth about them looking forward to more
Wolf
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Throughly enjoyed this story I look forward to reading more from you :D
weirdal212
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Great First Story Will read others if posted in the future.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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