The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

The Kitsunes Revenge
My first attempt at a BE-styled story. Please be kind.

A young kitsune is having a blast, changing people here and there as she pleases. Until a man captures her and proceeds to do to her, what she had done to others.
Average Scores:

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5


Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Very good for a first time. I agree that the ending seemed a little rushed, but it didn't really hurt the story. I'm looking forword to finding out what that third tail can do. Keep up the good work.

Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Nice ,but it seem to fast?

Very Free
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

The alternating between past tense and present tense is bad grammar and confusing. Choose one -- usually stories are past tense.

Example: (I quote from the story)
"As the thoughts crosses her mind, her magic took flight."

NO! It's either
"As the thoughts crossed her mind, her magic took flight."

As the thoughts crosses her mind, her magic takes flight."

Another really confusing sentence: (who was unaware?)
"He slipped off after her as she walked towards her next victim, unaware that she was being followed."

There were numerous spelling and grammatical errors.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

Great story! I can't really judge your technical quaility since my english isn't so good, but the others I can so:

Small despriptions, but they were just right for me, but as you know more is better.

The only characters that do matter are Sophine and "Kyle", the other characters were just "victems". Since these victems serve no purpose to the plot, so its ok for them to be flat, as long as the Be or any other process descriptions are good. Sophine and Kyle could devlop into great static characters where Sophine continues with her mischef and Kyle with revenge.

Anyways, hope this help. Please write more.


Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Overall a decent story for your first try. I'd suggest to re-read it again, the ending seemed a little rushed, that being said I think the story has good potential. Perhaps a little editing would be required, but nothing severe. Good first try.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

Your comments on the story: