The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Voodoo iPhone, Part 2
In this episode, our hero Tim makes some changes to himself, and has a little adventure with his sister's friends.
Average Scores:

bear chives
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

technical comments aside, i love the way you rip right into the good stuff. very enjoyable story, keep it up! (i'm not sure where you'll go from part 3, but i look forward to reading new stories!)

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

its not technically the best story ever, but the story is brilliant its the best one ive read on here in a long time. good job

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

I liked the idea of using the iPhone. Very innovative and allows almost unlimited possibilities. Please continue this story.

Very Free
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I thought the story (the first part and this part) were worthwhile reading. But it would've been best to submit both parts together. As others have said, it should've been written in the bast tense. And other than the addition of the iPhone(TM Apple) name, I see it as basically another episode of the Master PC series, except that the PC is portable. And it's not 'voodoo'. Keep up the story -- I hope to see more episodes.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

A few minor things here or there, but wow that was great. Can't wait to see what happens next, though I can imagine his sister's going to be titanic. Definitely should've factored in some extra modifications to himself beforehand.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Make up your mind. Are you writing a script or a story?

Pick a f**king tense and stick with it.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

I really liked this, nothing more to say, other than please keep up the great work!

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