The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Robbi
Door to Door Vitamin Sales
A herbal chemist test his new herbal vitamins on two expecting very fit female roomates. 
Average Scores:

DD36
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

I mean, wow, really? I actually never commented on a story before, but this was so poorly done I felt compelled to say you type like an immigrant speaks broken Engrish. Seriously.

Anon
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

I can almost hear you typing one-handed as I read this. Slow down and actually make a story, not just a bunch of "And then, and then, and then, and then..."

D
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

Needs to slow down and have a good proof-reading.

HeliumGirl
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

There were way too many run-on sentences, of the type: "and then this happened and then that happened and she was this and her breasts were that..."

Better to risk being a bit choppy in your writing than to just tag one thing onto another over and over.

But the story has potential, even though it's not my favorite type of BE.

Double S B
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

Overall, I did think the story was entertaining so don't be discouraged from writing more. I would encourage you to go in-depth a little more and do a little more editing of your work. The plot was there, it just developed too quickly and without much explanation. The characters could've been developed a little better as well. If you do want to stick to a quick, to-the-point style make sure you look at it from the reader's perspective so that they can fully understand the story that you're trying to communicate. I hope that you also keep in mind that this is all constructive criticism, so stick with it and don't be afraid to ask others in the forum for editing assistance or opinions before posting your finished products!

Very Free
Overall= 1, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

Short story only a few pages long. Numerous punctuation and grammar errors make it very difficult to sort out what the author meant to say. It might be nice to add some heterosexual action, too.

Party Pooper
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 2

I suppose my opinion is somewhat biased, because I don't enjoy this type of growth. However, as stories go, it could use some work either way. Keep at it.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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