The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

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Clare, an underdeveloped teenager, has always felt upstaged by her sister and freinds. But her mother's medallion, an old family heirloom will soon put a stop to that.  
Average Scores:

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

I love your style

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I'm not sure what to think of this story yet. The first chapter is interesting, but I wasn't particularly impressed by anything nor do I find anything particularly objectionable either. I'm giving it solid 3s across the board.

Very Free
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Nicve start. But as others have said, it seemed to end abruptly without the loose ends being picked up.

Double S B
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Too short of a story with a weak ending. The connection to the mother's statement and what it actually did was left unexplained. Spell check too.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

The file should work for everyone now.

If you're running windows, and need a good, free, unzipping program, I'd recommend 7-zip:

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

The file isn't corrupt, please change the .zip to a .rar extension, this will open up the file to be decompressed.

The story was good, spell checking was done which was nice for a change, grammar, well I'm not perfect myself, so I'll let it slide, since it was readable. the plot was interesting, although I will say right now a little confusing. You may want to write down your concepts before putting them into paper. Either that or read what you write 24 hours after you have done so.

Normally I do that to see if the story or document flows... it is amazing what a little bit of proof reading does, even if it is done by yourself.

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Can't really say it stood out. I had the typical problem of "wait, who's that character again?" It seems she just cloned the features of others around her, yet ended up looking like her sister. How could that have happened if she was all three combined? No chance to finally be the one everyone looks to first?

And on a side note, the file IS NOT CORRUPT. It is, however, in a RAR format with a ZIP file extention. The rule here is to upload it in ZIP format. Might want to keep that in mind in the future.

Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

As was mentioned before please use a more standard means of zipping up your files. That was the first major annoyance, the second major annoyance was the fact your story just seemed to stop, nothing about whatever was residing in that amulet, no consequences of the rather meh incestuous scene. You started to have a story then didn't go anywhere with it, quite frankly it seemed like you got bored with it and slapped it up for people to read. If you're looking for suggestions, ask on the forums first.

Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Meh. It was okay. Incestual stuff aside, the technical writing was decent and the descriptions were alright, but more than anything the story needs a bit more character work. Felt a bit rushed.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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