The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Average Scores:

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1


Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

You keep it up now, undresatnd? Really good to know.

Bill Pratt
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2


I couldn't get into this one. Boobs are my thing, but fat ... ick. There is also the matter of the way the document is laid out. I found it to be a rather disconcerting read with the line spacing flopping back and forth from paragrph to paragraph.


Large, but poorly described.


Nothing really stands out here.


This looks like a rush job.

The formatting kept changing, making some of the larger sentences look titanic. There may have been a reason for this, but I can't see it.

Pushing that asside, the sentence-level grammar is fine, but some of the paragraphs fail to work. When the topic of the paragraph changes, the paragraph ends.

For example, the first paragraph has two topics, mixed and mingled, one being the dig and the other being Ellen's boyfriend. By reorganizing the paragraph to separate the ideas, you allow the reader to focus on one at a time and, generally, the easier you make the reading, the better the reader's experience. This will result in two short paragraphs, but there is material elsewhere in the story that can be moved here to fill out the dig and Ellen's relationship with John.

The story started with a passive sentence. I know this is anal, but this is one of those things you have to watch for.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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