The Overflowing Bra

My ability to give a thorough and competent critical review is severely handicapped by my love for this particular type of subject matter.

It was an interesting little snippet, no real character depth, though the BE wasn't too badly done. Just a little confused about the ending and how the dream affected reality.

Good story, had good quality and quantity. It was a bit short, and not much character development. Overall I enjoyed it though. Keep up the good work, they'll only get better!

Overall

I made it about half way through, but the story never really managed to catch my interest. It didn’t squick me into quitting, it just bored me. Part of this is passive writing and part of it is plain old Tell outweighing Show. It’ll probably take a few stories to get this down, so don’t stop writing.

BE
 
Big, but dull.

Characters
 
There isn’t much room in 3000 words for great character development

Technical
 
Things to watch out for:

Posting Word Docs: Word embeds some rather interesting information in the file metadata and it can be an absolute <expletive deleted> to get the stuff out. Don’t use Word documents if you want privacy. Also, this file doesn’t have one, but I hate macroviruses.
The real killer is the dry writing. I can’t speak for anything after about half way through page three, but, hey, if you can’t convince me to read, you’re doomed.

Here is an example: “The sensation was phenomenal.” It was, huh? Yay. Describe how phenomenal and get right into the story. Show me what she’s doing, what he’s doing, and how it’s affecting them. Drag me into the story. 

Wow!  I've been waiting for a long time for someone to pick up the ball(oon) and start writing helium inflation stories.  This one has some fantastic ideas and themes!  Please, please, please don't be discouraged by Bill's comments below -- I for one would LOVE to see more of this kind of stuff!  I particularly loved the "oh wait, I'm dreaming, whew, wasn't real -- OH NO, IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!" aspect.  And helium inflation is totally awesome!  I love it when the victim gets so full that they float away out of control.  Too bad that ceiling was there to stop her, though... ;)