The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Wolf
zacharygreen1@hotmail.co.uk
Mind your P's and Q's
A fairy godmother curses a woman breasts to inflate whenever she hears pardon....
Average Scores:

esalerugs coupon
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Are you interested in webmaster`s income?!....

Dreginy
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

I'm not into GTS so much, it kind of turns me off to be honest, but the BE in the story was amazing.

tank1620
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

This was a joke turned into a story. I remember hearing the joke years ago.

dlurie
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

Short and sweet, but I liked it...

Bill Pratt
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Overall: 4
Inventive piece, or inventive to me at any rate and I'm the only one who matters for the purpose of this review. Short, to the point, and the expanded gets what she asked for.

BE: 4
I'm a fan of smaller, human portable, breasts, but there is nothing wrong that can't be fixed with a bit of technical tuning.

Characters: 3
This is a subjective 3 because "Mind your P's and Q's" is too short a piece to really get a handle on any of the characters. A bit of dialog between the fairy godmother and Lucy would help here.

Technical: 2

Kudos for using complex sentences. It really helped the flow of your story even though it led to some grammar faults.

The first paragraph needs rethinking. By the wording used, it is one sentence separated by periods.

"each time a man said, "Pardon" to her"

"As she walked down the sidewalk, and accidentally bumped into a man and he said,‚ÄĚPardon me.""

Two ands makes for a clunky sentence. Try
As Lucy walked down the sidewalk, she accidentally bumped into a man.

"Pardon me," he muttered as he walked on.

The monster third paragraph needs to be cut up. There are plenty of good places to insert breaks. At the very least you should break at dialog.

"She walked into a Chinese restaurant and, while waiting to be served, put a hand into her top and gave one of her new breasts an experimental squeeze, expecting it to feel artificial; however, the feeling it gave made her squeal with delight. not only did it feel fleshy but it was even more sensitive!"

The "expecting it to feel artificial" doesn't quite work either, but that is a word choice issue.

Lucy walked into a Chinese restaurant and, while waiting to be served, put a hand into her top to give one of her new breasts an experimental squeeze. It made her squeal with delight; she expected the breast to feel artificial, but not only did it feel fleshy but it was even more sensitive!

"How could it, being designed for A-cups and having to deal with DD breasts?

"breasts which were now more than three meters across and still engorging."
Expanding, enlarging, or growing works better than engorging. To engorge is to stuff oneself or overfill with fluid. Engorged nipple or breast is normally fine, but at 3m across... Sounds a little odd. Actually it sounds like the breasts were feeding on something.

"her mind got more and more sexually oriented"

Unless higher order cup sizes are logarithmic, I doubt an OO cup would hold 3m (about 10 feet) diameter breasts and 3m was the last measurement - it is stated that they have grown since then.

"the building collapsed outwards"
Exploded outwards has more impact and collapse generally hints at inwards.
"The building collapsed, pushed apart from within,"

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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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