The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Kakumei and Ambivalence
Ambivalence, Part 1
A first contribution, co-written by myself and a friend. A rather-simple story of growth and subsequent sex.

However, a warning--this -is- a chat log, for better or for worse, though I've taken steps to make it easier to read. Please review, leave criticism, something.
Average Scores:

Mahatma Gandhi
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

It is very difficult to get into something like this. Next to so many great stories, a chatlog just doesn't compare.

Also, I may be alone in this, but stories told in present tense just seem awkward. But, I do understand that this was somewhat different as the story unfolded in a chatlog.

My suggestion is...just take that creativity and write a story.

Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I personally liked the unique approach with the chatlog, although it detracted from the quality slightly.

I agree with the previous commenter that if you took this premise and wrote an actual story, it would be excellent! Good job, you two, can't wait to see what you guys do next.

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

Unlike a lot of chatlogs, this one was pretty readable. Indeed, in a few of the poses there was actually some character development! What I would like to see is the character development stuff put together with some more physical descriptions of the people and location, and then making this into a true story. It's clear that the two contributors have a great deal of knowledge about their characters and have a clear view of them - for us, the readers, to only get a glimpse of them, is tough! This is a great start.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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