The Bazoom Bagette The Bazoom Bagette - the county's leading newspaper - Still Only a Nickel - Vol 104, No. 4 Town Gears Up for Contest!
50 and 100 Years Ago It's hard to believe that this ol' rag, this esteemed missive... this newspaper, has been around that long. I suppose to some it may seem like only yesterday, but to me it seems like a hundred years. Of course, the town has been around a bit longer... say about a hundred and twenty years, but it feels good, not only to be a part of this community, this newspaper, but also this unique tradition that is the Bazoom County Bathing Beauté Contest. This contest has become so much a part of the fabric of this town, this county, that one could hardly separate them in one's mind. So, for those with long memories, we remember our renown past with a look back. One of the fond memories which the county has is that of Miss Melba Hanson... Yes, the same Melba Hanson whom our Honorable Mayor, George Hanson is descended from. She was an amazing girl, only twenty-two years old when this astonishing photo was taken, right after the turn of the century! She was only five-foot two and had the almost unbelievable measurements of 108-24-36, yes, that's nine feet around the bosom! She was Princess First Class that year, having rested the title from some of the most bountiful women that Bazoom County had seen at that time! The runner-up, Miss Princess First Mate was Grace Morgan, a society girl who had a pair of 100 inch bonanzas! The records said that the two were so close in points that it was a "toss-up." They actually tossed a coin to see who would get the top title! In 1951, the winner of top Princess went a Miss Gloria le Bon, a recent graduate of the local college. She was 25, and measured 86-22-37. No actual photo exists of her, but she posed for numerous calendars and we have a very good one here. The runner-up that year was a Mrs. Sandra Swayze, an older woman who had managed to hold on to a fabulous figure! Her age is not given, sometimes the judges let a contestant hold back that information, but she busts the tape at an amazing 96 inches... and with a 23 inch waist! I'll just bet her hubby likes to hold on to her figure, too! Out of a running of from about 50 to 150 contestants, twelve actual Princesses are chosen. We will explain the categories at a later time. For the sake of brevity we have only detailed two top winners for each year. More information is always available at our main branch library - see the special collections department. On a side note; the first sixteen-year-old to run in 1965 when the rules were changed was Marlene Montana, another farm girl. Her father owns a farm just outside of town and she goes about her chores almost always in the nude... she says she likes to sunbathe while she's working! Marlene is of Latin descent and was 82-18-36 at the time this photo was taken for the contest records. Not the largest, but impressive for one so young! She didn't win top honors, but came in third as Princess Bos'uns Mate. A real accomplishment for a beginner! By the way, Marlene is in her early fifties now and works in town. And, yes, she is just as pretty, some Latin women age beautifully... and her bosom... exactly the same... just 50% bigger! The top winner that year was Mary Mountjoy, a college student who had the most outrageous body! At 112-26-40 she was a little on the plump side, but plump in all the right places! They had to measure her at least six times before the judges were satisfied... it took four judges just to hold the tape! As you can see, our history is full of the most interesting anecdotes and my editor assures me that we are going to make this historical section one of the newspaper's regular features. I would like to thank the Hanson estate and our own Bazoom City Library for the loan of the photos and other memoribilia. * * * Spotted ... around town Says her name is Millie, claims 86 inches... Seems about right, but a very full 86! Poor little rich girl...but... if she enters... All bets are off! |
| The whole town is a-buzz with excitement as contest time draws near. Many of the girls who are of school age, or attend college are now on their summer break. The town honchos wisely decided on this time from an early era so as to not interfere with the ladies education. I have been asked to give some details about the judging criteria and so I'm going to provide a tid-bit in each issue, just to keep you interested. First up, the judging categories... I thought it would be a good idea to have a chart made up. It's much clearer when you can see it graphically: As you can see, the judges place the highest rating on the bosom, but even that is broken down into sub-categories; general shape, lift and thrust, smoothness and softness of skin, puffiness of aureole and nipples, etc... By now you are probably getting bored so... The striking young lady in this candid photo is Sally Whipple... no... she is not a contestant! She is actually a secretary who works on the contest committee! She likes to flash our photogs as a joke from time to time, this time he was ready with a loaded camera! No, I don't know her measurements. If I were to guess... I think maybe... a very full 76 inches. She has expressed an interest in running someday, but now is pursuing her career in journalism. However, a serious new contestant is Peggy Pontifex, her friends have taken to calling her Peggy Pontoons for obvious reasons! At 102-26-38 she's a definite contender in the "late-teen" category, Peggy is working her way through freshman year at the local coffee shop. She says, "When I first started I used to knock things off the tables when serving customers. They didn't mind too much... especially the boys... even the girls thought it was entertaining! I'm a lot better, now... I only manage to knock the catsup off the table about once a week.. Hah Hah!" Peggy showed our camera guys her new bra which she was very proud of, "I bought it with my own money!" she exclaimed, swelling with pride. Our cameramen took advantage of her swelling to get a nice picture. Our roaming photographers caught Dr. Linda Sturgeon at the beach recently and she posed for our guys. She is on staff at the local hospital and is said to have a very good "bedside manner." "For the record guys," she said, "it's 100 inches if you measure just under the shoulder blades, but only 92 inches if you measure from the small of the back. I have no idea which way the judges will go on this one." Our "guys" were dumbfounded at her use of the term, "only," but were so happy at the prospect of having her pose for them that they simply didn't give a hoot! We had some of our eager reporters roaming around in farm country, east of town, looking for treasure and they came up with a gold mine! Mary Jane, here, lives and works with her "Mam" on a small farm. She is just so pretty, we just had to get a snap. She says, "My Mam says now I'm seventeen, I'm gonna be a old-maid if'n I don't catch me up with a husband prett-darn-soon!" Showing us her very fetching figure, she asked, "Does yo think if'n I gets in yore contest I kin get me a husband?" Our boys were quick to assure her that if she shows up like that, she'll have more offers than she could "shake a stick at!" I got a call from a Sharon Swederman who wanted to be interviewed by me, personally. Well, I immediately grabbed a cameraman and hurried out to a very nice house in a ritzy part of town. A pretty, quiet woman in her late twenties opened the door and invited us in. She said, "I'm very interested in entering, but... I'm just not sure I could compete with all those young things. From where we were sitting, she looked very competitive, but I suggested she show us what she had to compete with. While undressing she said, "The reason I wanted you, personally is because I read your articles all the time and I think you have a better perspective on what it takes to be a contestant." By the time she finished explaining she had her dress off and was standing there in a pretty red slip with her boobs just bursting to get out. She released the shoulder straps and they just bounded out! I guessed her to be about 96 inches, very full with nice skin and pretty nipples. We both examined her for a long time, taking lots of pictures... she finally got excited, bouncing up and down, which was exciting to watch... but she was anxious to have our opinion. We told her that she would not have any trouble matching the other girls, tit for tit. She was a little on the plump side, which, however usually makes for nice skin and good legs. Her bosoms were absolutely gorgeous, and we told her so. After a lot more reassurances... and some more pictures... we left, promising to send her copies of the photos for her contest entry. That's all for now, see you on the turn-around. Next Issue ---> The Big Event !