A regularly continuing article for the Bazoom Bagette - the county's leading newspaper # History The history of the Bazoom County Bathing Beauté Contest is a long and twisted tale. It may have begun back in the late 1800's when it was noticed that the water from the town's local spring, the very same water which is still distributed throughout the town and local environs through its intricate series of waterways, sluices and pipes, had an invigorating effect on all those who so imbibed. However, many historians believe that spring existed many hundreds of years before the town even sprang into existence. But the history of the town and its romance with its waters took place in Victorian times. The renown founder of the county and the town, which both bear his name, was Charles Foster Bazoom, heir to the Bazoom family fortune. His family emigrated from the little Dutchy of Büsen in the early eighteen-hundreds. He moved west with his wife and children after the Civil War, looking for the lands of milk and honey. Taking a homestead on a large tract of land along the northern coast of California, he had no need of, nor any interest in the various gold prospecting ventures which were prevalent at the time. He and his family just wanted a peaceful valley near the coast in which to raise his children and live a happy life. After a few years the people who had settled in the same area for the same reasons began to notice an interesting effect that the waters seemed to have on the ones who lived there. The most noticeable effect was on the growth of certain parts of the women's anatomy... especially the bosom. Not having many photos or paintings from that time we can only guess, judging from the letters and diaries that have survived. From one such letter... "Odelia, I can't wait to get back home and feel your melons in my hands. I wait with great anticipation to see what you meant when you wrote me that, 'I have burgeoned out beyond belief and desire to smother you with love.' " From a few pages of a young lady's diary, "Momma had to make me another dress for my fourteenth birthday party. I only had the other one for a month and already have burst it asunder. I wonder if I will be as big as Momma someday, I'm already bigger than that snot-nosed ol' Betsy, and she's sixteen!" One very ragged photo from that period does reside in the special collections part of our library. It shows a fairly young girl who can't seem to keep her blouse buttoned up! It was marked "Sadie" on the back, but nothing else is known. According to the photo experts it is not a forgery, and it does come from that era. Nothing else is known; who took it and why, the exact date and place, or how young the woman is. However the very fact that such a picture of the young lady, taken at what could be an embarrassing moment, exists and the quite obvious nonplused look on her face, indicates that such a thing was more commonplace than most historians would have us believe. It was found among some local items which had apparently been stored for some time, so that it most probably is of local origin, but nothing about it is certain. Anyone having information about this picture or the lady in it, please contact the library. Hundreds of documents like these are on display in our Bazoom City Library, with cross-referencing to our expanding genealogical survey. As for the Bazoom County Bathing Beauté Contest, it seemed to have started just before the turn of the century. At the time it was called "The Bazoom County Bathing Beauty Contest," it was changed in 1965 to reflect the higher cultural value of the era. Records exist which show that some kind of organized judging took place in the area of our County Beach in the early '90's, 1890's that is. A page from one of the ledgers reads: Saloon Sally - top, pretty nice, about 73 inches. Good, sturdy legs and hips. Older, but pretty face. Can sing and dance well. Gertie - top, whoa, nelly! At least a hunnerd and twenty, some of the guys are still arguin' about that. Firm with nice shape. Very shapely legs! Plays piano. Face O.K. Bertha - Almost as big as Gertie, but hangs more, only 95 inches. The kind of legs you want to write home to Mother about! Very cute, plump face. Sings a bit. Irma - Now this is more like it! Very young, top not quite so big, 82 inches, but very perky. Slim cute legs. Angelic face. Can play, dance and sing, a little amateurly, but who cares! ... and so on. It appears from some of these records that a lively waging went on as to the winner of each contest. Gambling is strictly illegal now, of course. Apparently the contest took part in two stages; there was a public part in which the ladies wore bathing attire which was appropriate for the times, and then there was what was called, "The unveiling," which seemed to have taken place at a nearby cove which had been used as long as records go back for nude bathing. It started out as a sort of "skinny-dipping" part of the beach, but went on to become the popular place for adults to bathe in the altogether. As early as the twenties this taboo seems to have been eased when some accounts show that the ladies would "unveil" right there in front of the crowd. In the "flapper" era public morals became such that most of the populace didn't seem to mind if the ladies wanted to show off right there! Fortunately, we do have some photos of that era. The above snapshot seems to be of a group of contestants getting together for the judging. Many historical experts, however, dispute this, claiming that these girls are simply too small to have been taken seriously for the judging. It may be that these are just some typical beach-goers getting together for a group picture. Other photos from the period do show some of the contestants after the "unveiling," these are pretty certain to have been of actual contestants. One of these is shown below: Notice the man in the background staring goggle- eyed at the woman. Since most of the local folk were pretty used to these sights by that time, it is thought that he was just a photographers "stand-in," someone to act the part while the photog took his "candid" shot. Notice, also that this picture is in color. Color film was not actually available at this time, but all around the pier there were shops where you could go and have a picture taken, have it enlarged, and have it tinted by an artist. The pier around contest time was a very active place, a lot like Coney Island in New York. In later times it became popular for the contestants, and any other women who thought that they were photogenic, to go to a studio, or "photo parlor" where eager photographers would be happy to take more professional pictures... for a fee, of course. Many of these are in private or public collections and leave us with a wonderful record of womanhood down through the years. Here is one in which it uncertain whether it was a candid shot or "staged." The writing on the back says: Lisa, 25. 75" it may have been a contest photo, taken for record-keeping purposes. No date exists, but judging from hair styles, etc. it is probably from the late '40's to early '50's. This next one is most likely from the late fifties. Her name seems to have been Karen. No statistics were included. Even though it is in color it is not a very good quality. It was most likely taken by an amateur "posing" as a professional. Word had gotten around to some of the other areas by this time and there were always a gaggle of young men coming from some of the college towns and even as far away as San Francisco. They would descend on the town, camera in hand, ready to snap pictures to take back home and show their disbelieving friends. Most of the young women were eager to have their pictures taken, so these young men always had a willing assortment of beauties to choose from. As time went on it became quite proper, even fashionable to have one's picture published in our local paper. Even the ones showing the ladies "unveiled." Here is one of the "fashionable" women known as Silvia, from the late sixties. She had her photo done at her home, probably so she wouldn't have to rub elbows with the "common" crowd. It was most likely made for a boyfriend at the time. She may not have been a contestant, but she certainly would have qualified. Since the contest was open to women of all ages and marriage status, it became a popular "showing off" place for women who wanted to become noticed, either because they were seeking fame or husbands. After the contest rules were broadened to include girls as young as sixteen, they even had their pictures published in the "debutantes" section. By the time most of the girls reached the age of sixteen, they were already "bursting their seams!" An early color photo, late fifties or early sixties. Identified on the back as, "Susan," obviously a "debutante" type, probably in her late teens. Since the photo also gives some information, she very likely was a contestant. It is not known whether she was one of the "Princesses" or winners, it seems possible that she was. The local library has asked me for help in identifying a couple of pictures that they have found in their collection with absolutely no provenance. The first is one which may have had the name "Tina" written on the border in pencil. The name has since worn off and no one has been able to identify it. Some people have said that they think she may have been a dancer in a club that they had seen once. The photo is from an earlier period and cannot be placed in time exactly. The hair is an obvious wig and doesn't date the photo properly. Anyone who has any information about this and any other photos in the collection that we publish from time to time can notify the genealogical section of the city library. The second is very likely a recent snapshot, but since it is blurred and her face is mostly out of the picture, it cannot be identified. There are quite a few men in our press room who very much want to know more about her. She seems to have been moving at the time the snapshot was taken. She is quite large even by Bazoom County standards and everyone is curious why we have not seen her in the contest. It could be that she was too young at the time, but, if we're lucky, we might see her in future contests. There's also a class photo. It shows what appears to be a class of sixth grade students. From the look of some of the girls in that photo, the effects of the water were quite astounding, even then. It seems to be from the early fifties. The library would like to know if anyone could identify the school and the participants. In recent times the local water has been a popular item of export. Whether it has any lasting effect on people outside of the area remains to be seen The local people bathe in it, drink it, cook with... and yes, even make beer with it. It has become very much a part of life in this county. Besides drinking the water, many of the girls who vie for "Bazoom Princess," for that is what we call the winners, married or not, have found other ways to "enhance" their busts. Many of the teen-age girls have tried making an ointment out of the water. A lot try massage, with boys competing for the honors of doing girls the "favor" of being their masseur. Various kinds of Yoga exercise have been tried, with the added attraction of being good exercise for the back muscles. Groups of women have started "Bazoom Clubs" where they do scientific studies of bust development. Some of the kids in high school have even won awards for Science Fair projects. In all, the legacy of Bazoom County goes on. Businesses have sprung up with mottoes like, "Bigger Busts for Business." Local television even has "Busty Baking," in which one of the recent "Princesses" visits a cooking show and shows off not only her cooking skills, but also her bountiful bosoms. The regular shopping network on television was just not up to Bazoom standards, so the local channel started one of their own, hosted by some of the biggest ladies around. The fashion segment has one of the highest ratings. Now that you have had a little background in our history, we invite you to gaze at our daily Bazoom Bagette's pages in awe! # Local Princess Wins Top Honors! Sandy Russell, Bazoom County's own channel 22 weathergirl wins top awards for her work on her favorite charity, The Bambi Brown Boarding House for Bankrupt Bodacious Broads. Her prize-winning weather program has proven to be a valuable launching-pad for many worthwhile projects. While filling her job very nicely at KBAZ, otherwise known as K-Bazoom, she has had the un-faltering support of her station chief, Varla Pomeroy, who, for some strange reason, has been very eager to help with busty women related causes. Actually, I know Varla quite well, and I have no trouble understanding why. She is a past "Princess" herself, and considers it her duty to be of service to "healthy" women everywhere. Being herself on record as one of the "healthiest" it is easy to see her becoming involved in big bosom projects. Those who wish to help out with The Bambi Brown House or any of the other causes supported by the station may contact the station directly. # Prelims Under Way Preliminary activities for the next Bazoom County Beauté Contest are going ahead on schedule. Many young hopefuls are even now preparing for the contest by accelerating their exercise programs, drinking lots of local water, using various bust-improving creams and ointments, many of which have been shown to actually have some effect. Groups of contest-conscious ladies are making plans, comparing notes... and chests, practicing their particular talents for the talent portion, and just generally getting psyched up for the event. Of course, there are many who are taking the political tack by announcing themselves to the media, going on television, appearing at various public events, etc. Perhaps they expect to "get a leg up" on the competition by being recognized by the press. One such hopeful is Dee Dee Beevers, who has been showing up at the many press junkets that are very much a part of the contest's preliminary functions. Says Dee Dee, "I've been preparing for this since I was fourteen. Now that I'm graduating and preparing for college, it seemed like just the right time. As you can see, I've been doing a very effective type of Yoga and I think I am going for the "huge but perky" look. At this point she raised her arms, which made her breasts stand out even more, giving all the cameramen a preview of just how "perky" she was talking about. She then posed under the beach shower, rubbing the local water into her breasts. She says that this has a very beneficial effect. Our reporter says that he couldn't agree more! Another hopeful one is Hannah Brüstmeister, a local farm girl. She hasn't been in town much, but one day she called up the paper, gave them her measurements, and asked if we thought she could qualify. We immediately dispatched a team of photogs and reporters to her farm and met with her. She was very cooperative and posed for some nice candids. She seemed very concerned that she might not be able to compete with the "city gals." We hope we were able to convince her that she did indeed "qualify" and we looked forward to seeing her in as many contests as she wanted to enter. She says, "I not only drink "the water," but I also drink a lot of milk... Do you think it helps? I get lots of exercise, working here on the farm, and I eat well... You don't think I'm too fat? Most country girls are like me. We usually think we ain't pretty enough. Do I have a chance?" I heard that by the time our reporters had managed to get their tongues off the ground, they were in their vans, flying about the farm country, looking for more "country hopefuls." Now Vicky, on the other hand, sent us a very nicely posed, slightly touched-up studio shot. I happen to know her, she is not as young as a lot of the usuals, but she has what it takes. She has been hiding that wonderful, classic figure from us for a long time under a voluminous business suit. I'm glad that she has seen her way to sharing herself with the curious public. I just hope she will have the nerve to appear in public when the contest comes around. Her sensuous classy charm is what the contest needs. A lot of older women are waiting to see whether or not she puts in an appearance. They need a boost in confidence before they venture forth. She sent a list of qualifications along with her photo, but I'm not sure the judges will believe them! They will have to measure for themselves. Here they are anyway; 45 years old, 5'8", 88 -26-40, legs: gorgeous, hair: natural honey blonde, eyes: blue- green, no wrinkles (yet), sings, plays violin and piano, dances... Sounds good to me! Come on, ladies, a lot of you older women can compete! Take a chance... if Vicki can do it, so can you! A recent import is Tiana. Came here with her family from Japan a few years ago. She has just reached the right age and is ready to compete. She has obviously done a lot of growing up these past years, but, hopefully, she has a lot of growing yet to do! Tiana has this to say about her experiences in Bazoom County, "In my country there are many very sexy ladies, but they all time covered up! Here I can let it all hang out!" Well, Tiana, I don't know if "hang" is the right word... more like pop right out and hit you in the eye! She has come a long way for one so young. The rate she's going, by the time she's eighteen, there'll be no one to match her. We wish her luck in the upcoming event! I would be remiss if I didn't mention one of the ones who should compete, but hasn't. Jill Elderberry is one our natural beach beauties. We see her all the time, swimming and sunning herself, but she doesn't see herself as ready. Well, Jill, if you're not ready, I don't know who is. Listen to me, girl, you're at just the right age, you're very pretty and your figure is fantastic! Don't wait any longer! Submit your entry form... now is the time! Another one whom I would like to see enter is my ex-girl-friend Marina. Unfortunately, (for me) she met and fell in love with her present husband while she was on vacation in San Francisco. She still has an absolutely unbelievable figure. Here is a recent picture she sent me. Her husband is not against it and she has only to come back to her old homestead for the contest. There is no residence requirement. No one ever thought to make one, being that the women here outdistance the women from anywhere else by a broad margin. But, Marina is native born and raised. As you can see by the picture, she very evidently qualifies! Speaking of women who evidently qualify... Madeline... Everyone knows her as mourning Madeline. Ever since her late husband passed away from lung cancer, she has been wandering the beach like a ghost... the most gorgeous beachcomber that anyone has ever seen! Any outsider who happens to be lucky enough to spot her roaming the shore probably can't believe their eyes! We all know her and wish her well, but she has been withdrawn too long. I only hope that some of her closer friends will see their way to advise her to join humanity again! There are some up-and-coming hopefuls out there who haven't quite reached maturity yet. They are in the very important stages of their young lives where much of their time is spent studying, preparing for their futures. I wish them well. Exemplary of these up-and-coming is young Nancy Saint-Seins, a smart, pretty sophomore at our Bartholomew Bazoom High School, named after our founder's son, who went on to design and build many of our major city buildings and founded our library and schools. Young Nancy is tops in her class, well versed in music and the arts and has an eye for photography. Perhaps she will someday join the staff here at the Bazoom Bagette! Right now she is too young and too small to be in our pageant, but... she is a growing girl... and someday... who knows! I have, however, persuaded our section head, Danielle Bristol to enter this year's contest. She moved here from Los Angeles recently to get the job and is not as big as some of the gals, but she's catching up fast! She's only at 72 inches so far, but lately she's been growing a rate of about an inch a day! By contest time, who knows... the sky's the limit! She is in her early thirties, has lots of skills and talents, and has a very nice figure and is quite pretty. She had this quote for the paper, "I know I've gotten a late start, but I think I'm well on my way to catching up. I exercise a lot, and drink and bathe not only in the water, but the local cow's milk. I have this theory that if I drink the milk from cows that drink the water it will enhance the effect. It seems to be working... hee hee!" Well, all of us at the paper are rooting for you, Danielle, good luck with the milk experiment! One other surprising recent immigrant from L.A. is Stefanie Senos, a bleached blonde actress type who left a promising career in Hollywood to come up here to try out for the contest. When she first got here, five years ago, she was fascinated by the whole affair. The idea of this kind of event sparked something in her. However, when she found out that it was only open to natural women, she was a little disappointed. She had not had implants, as many starlets do, because she was afraid of the medical complications. When she saw the host of gorgeous, naturally- endowed women here, she thought she could never compete without surgery. Now, however, after having been here for five years, she found herself succumbing to the local stimuli. It took a while, but we think she has done well! She had this to say for the camera, "Dahlings, I think I'm ready. Watch out, I'll give you girls a run for your money. I cahn't wait till they see me back in Hollywood, but first I'm going to win this one!" What can I say? We just have to wish her luck! Local construction worker, Ellie Mae Blodgett, has been working in the street in the buff, lately. Is she trying to get noticed by newspeople... or judges? Born on a local farm, Ellie has been corn-fed ever since a little tyke. Living on a farm seems to have this consequence for ladies, that they expand like balloons! It could be the fact that they live on good wholesome dairy products from cows that drink the special water. It could just be that a healthy lifestyle produces a healthy body... Well, whatever the cause, Ellie has got it in spades! At a present 109 inches she may hold the record in the next contest! They sag a bit, but not by much! With the load she's carrying around it's amazing that she can even walk, let alone float down the street the way she does. Our reporter caught up with her on the job and this is what she had to say, "Madeline is my only worry. If she decides to run, it may be a tough contest. I been milk-feedin' these babies since I was a little girl." This reporter doubts whether she was ever a "little" anything! If you get a chance you should see the news report that was done that day when it runs again on the local channel. By request it has been running over and over. It seems that she was doing some stretching during a break on the job and there is one scene that is just breathtaking! An observant person, who just happened to have a camera at the time, spotted an unknown at the beach. She must live in one of the cottages along the shore. She may be a descendant of the many railroad workers that came to the town in the late 1800's. No one I know of has spoken to her. She hasn't been seen at any of the many beach events. If she ever decided to enter, it would signal a new age in the history of the contest. One of the news crew said that he thought her name was Sachiko, and that she was too young to enter. Judging from the photo, even though she's not the largest, she's certainly the largest for her age... and they stand out beautifully! If she qualifies by next year there is going to be some contest! One of the old-timers is Mimi. She is a trooper, she has been entering now for ten years. Never won anything, her figure just wasn't full enough, she has a very petite body... and those enormous balloons! Some judges are very picky. She feels that she looks good, however, and she won't get any argument in this town! When asked for a comment she said, "Oh, I just like to show it off, you know! I never expect to win, I just like all the excitement! This town has some very pretty girls... lots of them. More every year! I get caught up in the whole thing... hee hee! It's sooo much fun... all these good-looking guys... with cameras... hee hee!" It was fun for our newsmen, just watching her giggle... and wiggle! I say that because I know she'll read it... and appreciate it. It is well known that she has two daughters that are approaching the age. If they turn out anything like their mother, it will be interesting to see what happens! One of them, Leilani, is already old enough for the contest, but doesn't feel ready, yet. Her Mom gave me the photo to run, so I know it's all right! She has been spotted with her girlfriends on the old nudist section of the beach, where a lot of the young girls go to tan and meet their friends. It is sort of secluded, so they don't get a lot of nosy outsiders. No official measurements yet, but she's bigger than her Mom already! I would guess, from the photo... about 77 inches... on a very petite frame! I have seen her, on occasion, and snapshots do not do her justice! Hers stand out high and firm, like most young girls, and have the nicest shape! When she walks, they bounce just right... not too stiff, but not too sloppy... just right. The judges are going have to start a new category, just for her! Her sister is named Chi-Chi, she's too young to pose unveiled, as far as her Mom is concerned. She's eager, however, for the day when she can enter the contest and "unveil!" Going by her present snapshot... by that time she's going to be astounding! With the bra top on, and her posing like this, it's very hard to judge her size. But, if she stands out like her older sister... I would say... about... well... between 96 and 100 inches... and she's just entering high school! And, she's the youngest! It doesn't hurt that she's also the prettiest... and that her form is divine! Did you notice that her top is rather sheer... are those soupbowl-sized aureoles I see! And... shotglass sized nipples!! In three more years... my God! One final one for this issue. If you ever travel out to the east end of the county, along Old Mill Highway, you might happen upon this bar... it looks like any old bar, but with a difference. There is this very nice lady who runs the bar, everyone calls her Kim. Believe me, it's worth the trip just for the hope that you might catch a glimpse of her! She's much too busy, now to attend our little event, but if she ever did... all bets are off!!! She worked on her Dad's farm until she got old enough to work in the bar. When he passed away, she took it over. They say she takes after her Mom... Mom must have really been something! If you stop by, say Hi for me... and if you're very lucky... you might get to dance with her... if the bar's warm enough, she wears nothing but socks! * * * That's all for now, see you on the turn-around. Next Issue --> The Bazoom Bagette