The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Commission: Sigma Upsilon Chi
Another commission! When a trio of succubi run a sorority, causing girls to grow in order to drain their life force, it doesn't go quite as planned when Meghan has deeply bottled up feelings for her best friend. If it seems fast paced, it was because I was constricted on word count.
Average Scores:

New Frost
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
I really enjoyed this one, but as I was reading it I could not help but wish that it was more drawn out and fleshed out. I'd love to see this story expanded, extended or given a spiritual sequel. 
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Excellent!  Good job building the tension, making us wait with them.  Im with Roid, even more background would have made the story even better.
Roid Abuser
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Excellent, excellent, excellent.  Very hot.

To the extent I have quibbles, it is, as you warned, you were limited by word count.  Even so limited, I would have liked a hair more explanation of why this was an unusual circumstance.  Say, perhaps they were losing energy because of the protagonist's strength of will, and, in desperation, messed up on her concoction for the boy and made it 10,000 times stronger than she intended.  Or perhaps the boy was the progeny of a former and now long graduated member of the sorority, conceived in that very house 19 years ago.

It's a great story.  I would encourage you to expand on it it certainly expanded something of mine.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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