Matt discovers something interesting about the special baby sitter.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 2.50
- BE: 2.50
- Characters: 2.00
- Technical: 4.00
Eddie
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
CrashO's comments are on point. The first part was fine up to the baby sitter leaving. But the rest was rushed and weird and did not follow very well. I would have thought he would have had a relationship. The phone text line is lame.
CrashO
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
I advise you to keep writing, you clearly enjoy it, but this was kind of a mess. Characters didn't act realistic or understandable, fetish stuff was a bit of a rush, and the whole thing whips by at top speed. No justification for any of the magical realism of cock-growing lactation. Write for scenes, think of how people would talk in situations, break up the chunks of dialogue with prose and vice versa.
Keep trying but this was a big mess.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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