The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Swogrider
r1998rrhof95@yahoo.com
Jobongo 2
Carmen invites some more friends over for another round! It goes about as well as you'd expect.
Average Scores:

Geth460
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I like this style of changes and shinanugins. Hope more like it comes soon.
deracore
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
loved this one so much I just had to come back here and rate both. I dont want to add pressure, but I cant wait till the next game! 
DiIncendio
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Really good! I cant wait for the third part in the series!rnPlease hurry up! D
Carajean
Overall= 5, BE= 1, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
I saw a few seconds of it once and my reaction was straight out of the Army-McCarthy heaHsngi."rave you no sense of decency, sir, at long last?"
HotSoda
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
It's a great smut and just generally a great story premise. Even if it was borrowed from Jumanji, I still love it. TENOUTTATEN.
Pobblebonk
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
A great sequel to the first and potentially a continuing series?
CMDR_MARK
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
A very solid story. This series in general has been one of my favorites on this site, and this particular chapter has been the best. Seeing the twin's antics and other fun interactions between the characters was just perfect.
It
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Really amazing, can't wait for the next, I keep checking back.

Ignore these 1 star trolls, it's clearly just one hater.
Rai
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Waiting for part 3
hey_joe
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
This is my all time favourite story/series.  Keep up the great work
Score Correction
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
To offset the clearly trolling 1 scores. 
xenoriddley
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Really enjoyed the story!  Hopefully we can get a few more things going on, such as maybe pregnant, or weight gain.
Anonymuhz
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Always a good read as usual. I'm honestly impressed with how well you keep all the interactions between the magical shenanigans in mind and their impacts on each other.
AaronSatie
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Great story!  The premise has a huge amount of potential for mischief and ingenious transformations.  The author does a good job of cleverly planting magical changes early in the story and using them to great effect later on.  I like how the board game seems to have a sense of humour.  Please continue writing, Swogrider!
captsqui
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Great story & great writer; please keep it up, I've enjoyed all your work
Madcow
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Excellent story series... I don't ever take the time to rate stories usually, but this series is fantastic. please continue!
Dooooooooooooot
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
You are the best

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease make more :)

Can we get some muscle next time?
majmage
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Great story, please keep writing!
BEVet
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Never disappoints!
A
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Keep it up. These are amazing. 

I would also like to see how the characters act outside the game with their gifts and how people act like they were always that way.
mirjirj
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Absolutely sublime from start to finish. This is the most fun you will have with your PC (aside from Portal) until they invent a force feedback crotch piece. Together with part one, this story sits in my top five BE stories ever, and I have read a lot of this stuff.
Pro tip: Keep track of attributes and changes for the different characters with a short list in a seperate text editor window. Also helpful in case one needs multiple sessions to get through the story.
PJ
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
You're rapidly becoming one of my favorite writers. I only made it halfway through this, but I'm saving the rest for later. Please make a third one (just the guys?) or let us know what's happening with the Codex story too. What I'm saying is, MOAR!
M ES
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I thought you missed a change that you yourself eluded to.
The game talking in the first person. 

at the end of the game, there wasn't 5 players. There were 6 players. 
The "game" was a player.
The twins who won the game could have then made demands (2) on the game as the right of the winners.

This would lead to all types of possibilities in the interim until the next round (next weekend).

 IE:
wish 1 "Game" you will manifest as an attractive female of your choosing. 
wish 2 "game" you will be non threatening and answer all questions put to you honestly (but not necessarily in a straightforward manner). You may express opinion but not act unless by permission of BOTH winners. 

The "Game" would develop a personality of its own. 

This would allow the author to expand the storyline and create more possibilities. 
Maybe the "Game" develops a friendship or dislike towards a player. Maybe it is just Impish and pervy.

I would be tempted to rewrite the ending to allow for expansion. Both bust and storyline.

if the game can do these things as the "game"
can it do these things while manifested? 
are there limits?
What/who is the "Game"

Thanks for the story. I enjoyed it. 

  
annon
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
This was a great read. I really enjoyed how the twins interacted with the game... very nice work.

I really hope that you keep up the story arc.
Thorn
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Loved the interaction with Nicole's Hypnosis trick at the beginning, what with how Carmen didn't know what kind of tricks Nicole played on her. Very immersive in the setting and what action is unfolding. But not drawn too much! Great read. Hope you continue this saga.

Noted your hint at the game board getting personal and maybe even foreshadowing it getting more involved with the players. Either way the story goes I like it alot! Keep it up!
mpcato234
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
The second part also was a fantastic read. I'd really love to see you continuing the story.
I love how Nicole is a mischievous, but overall very likeable charcater, and how you incorporated the "illusion"/"mind control part", as well as the obscure "labyrinth". A lot of the transformations you hinted at there would in my opnion be worth exploring.

Technically, you write in whole sentences, the number of typos is neglectable (in general, once I remember some typos, there are too many), the speech is separated from the telling, paragraphs are easy on the eye, and the story you tell is focused enough on the transformations and sex scenes, but elaborate enough to enjoy the overall story.

Perfect job.
BEconnoisseur
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Loved the story. The Jumanji premise stories are my favorite. Please keep writing.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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