The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

D_ax3_man
Lilly's Revenge
Feeling slighted, Lilly finds a way of balancing the scales.
Average Scores:

Someniggaontheblock
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
Its aight
226252310
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

One of the best stories I've ever read on this site. I love attribute theft/transfer stories (especially those with butt focus) and this may be my favorite I've ever found. The characters were wonderfully complex and had a sense of "realness" to them; I was particularly fond of Lilly and Kat's interactions. Also pleased that the story did not end with Lilly as an impossibly proportioned "superhuman" (as most characters in these sorts of stories tend to end up) and that she actually scaled herself back to a relatively more modest figure. Some tense issues and typographical/grammar errors, but did not significantly detract from my enjoyment. Would love to see a sequel or spin-off. I certainly hope to see more work from you.

ASR
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

I didn't enjoy this story as much as your previous work, Changing Memories, but I still found this to be a pretty good story. Like Fahzbehn before me, I enjoyed the redemption theme that you incorporated into this story but found the change in tense rather...off putting.
I'm really glad to see you back after an extended absence. Hopefully you will continue to share your works with us here at TOB (with a possible sequel to Changing Memories I hope?) Thank you for once again sharing your work.

Fahzbehn
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 2

The concept itself was okay. Then ending was good. The whole bit about balance was okay. I liked how it came back around to redemption. My main issue is the change of tense.

My advice? Go through the whole thing and edit it into third person past tense. There are also more than a few grammatical errors and a few cases where a spell check would show a correct word but it's not the one you're looking for (physique, not psychic).

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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