The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

The Orange Mask
monkeys.1997@hotmail.com
BE Mix
A few short BE stories I've come up with over the last few weeks. Enjoy!
Average Scores:

Anonymous
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

The description was definitely decent, and no glaring grammar mistakes. The characters were flat, which is to be expected in such short stories, but had no unpleasant qualities and fit into the story well. Overall an easy and enjoyable read. Looking forward to more!

Vyperion
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

Fun, short stories with enjoyable expansion sequences - looking forward to more!

Mahan
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

I would agree that the pacing was a little fast. But honestly I loved the first story.I would really love to see an updated version of it that's a big longer and goes into more detail! I think it would have been great if instead of falling off the table and going unconscious the process ended and the party kept going. It'd be fun to see everyone's reactions to what just happened, what the main character does now that she's even bigger and sexier, and I would have especially loved to have seen how her friend reacted from watching her friend go from wallflower to sexy amazon right before the party and then her going from that becoming bigger and sexier than her...basically a goddess right before her eyes! It also might have been nice if the story went a bit further past the original ending point, but that's just my opinion.

All and all I really enjoyed the story, and I hope you write a longer re done version of this one!

The Orange Mask
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4

Sorry for reviewing my own story, but I felt the need to respond here. This is exactly the kind of response I'm looking for from viewers, MysteryGuy9215! I can't express in words how awesome it is that you took time from your day to give me an honest response. Thanks a lot. That being said, I respect your opinions completely, and agree with you on the character design; this round wasn't my best work, by far.I hadn't truly taken a lot of time with this group of stories, and therefore didn't develop them to anywhere near their full potential. I hadn't even thought about the pacing in such a short story, but you're absolutely right; these stories weren't well thought out or planned, and in the future I will spend more time on my writings, most likely focusing on longer stories as I have in the past. Thanks for helping me come to this decision, MysteryGuy9215. Your assistance won't be forgotten.

MysteryGuy9215
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4

Two stories for the price of one! A nice idea, actually, kudos to that. I'll review each one individually, then maybe do an overview/TL;DR sort of thing at the end. Now, most of this is just going to be honest opinions, so it may seem a bit harsh, but just make sure to read all that I have to say. Also, for anyone who hasn't read it yet, there may be SPOILERS ahead, so read at your own risk ^_^

Byte-Size Changes:

What I liked:

I was worried that it would just be an overnight expansion and nothing else, but was pleasantly surprised to get a round two in this one. A very awesome scene, but I wish there had been a bit more engagement in that expansion scene. Other than that, it was a clean and well written story. No real spelling or grammatical errors to be seen, and it had a nice, interesting ending.

What I didn't like: I've never been one for slutty characters. While some may argue that she wasn't necessarily "slutty", flashing your boobs at a party for everyone to see...yeah, well, not exactly the actions of the innocent. Also, I didn't feel like she had much of a personality at all. All characters involved were pretty bland and by the numbers, but I suppose that is forgivable in a short story. Also the pacing was pretty awful too. She wakes up and realizes she has an exaggerated figure. Why is she not surpirsed? Any real person would be surprised by that, whether they remembered that website or not! Then she just suddenly starts sucking on her nipples and masturbating? I feel about midway the story just cranks to 11 for no reason and its really distracting. Some people will probably bash me for talking like this, but pacing is important in any story: erotica or not, short story or novel. I may be being a bit too harsh, and hell, this may be a nitpick, but it was just so glaringly distracting for me.

But I digress. The rest went alright. The pacing at the party was decent and it was a fun little scene at the end. Her expansion was enticing and interesting, though a bit flat in some ways. But not terrible, and again, this is a short story, so I don't want to make it seem like I am calling this a BAD story. Its just OK.

If You Give A Girl A Cookie:

Since this is only 4 pages, I'll get straight to the point: The character in this story is a carbon copy of the character from the last one. I just don't feel as if these characters have any sort of presence, so the situation doesn't mean all that much. But again, this is a 4 page story focused on expansion, so not much character description is needed. Its fun, its quick, and its interesting.

TL;DR:

While both of them are well written little romps, the characters are a bit flat and the BE could have been fleshed out a little bit more. I feel as if there was real potential in both of these stories. The thing I noticed most were how based on cliches they both were: The "make yourself the way you wanna look via a computer device" and "eat something and grow" cliches have been done. A lot. Even if these are short stories, I would rather read a unique short story with a very original idea rather than stories that felt as if they were brought out of an assembly line.

Again, these aren't BAD stories. They are merely OK, worth a read, but nothing to write home about. And to your request in one of the stories: I want you to try out a story where the character loses control of the situation. Panics and tries to gain control but she can't. I haven't seen any of your stories do that and I would love to see you attempt it, even though it is merely a rough idea. Maybe even some lactation or helium/floating magic? That might be fun as well. In the end, all of that is up to you. Just keep writing, despite my unnecessarily harsh critique, you are still very good at it :)

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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