This could become a great story but is much to short by now. Some reactions of the characters are a bit unrealistic.
Too short. It's a great set-up, but a freakin' tease as well.
Good start, much potential, keep up the good work. Could we have a bit more next time though please?
Is this a joke? It's only two pages.
This is not a story, it barely qualifies as a chapter. Im probably going to be taking this down.
It has potential, but dont post little teasers like this. Its way too short, even for a single "chapter".
repost in another format txt or pdf preferred
"So, I guess we're the only ones to survive the wreck. Let's eat"
They both just realized that their entire families are dead, and they just carry one like it's another day at the office?
I know BE fiction is shallow, but this takes it to a whole new level.
It's The tale of Our Isle, except 95% shorter, and has a child in it.
Good writing style. Not much BE. I also felt a little weird reading about a 14 y/o girl, though, her puppy-ish devotion makes sense in that context. Please continue writing! I enjoyed the writing style,
Much potential, looking forward to the next chapters!
I'm never one to say that underage relationships are good. I could technically change the number in word to be at least 16, but its the thpught not the physical number that bothers me most. A good start, and imo would be very interesting, the only beef I have with it is again the image given to me when somebody says "14 year old girl". Even 16 is not a pleasant image for me. A lot happens in 2-3 years after all.
A good start... a bit short, probably could have used more BE, but I'm looking forward to the next part if they're just discovering these fruits.