The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Lord Aimnor
aimnor@yahoo.com
Cleansing Power of Soap
Magic soap, everybody should have some
Average Scores:

Lord aimnor
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I did not intentionally re post this. This was the first post which apparently took longer to get through the system than I realized and in thinking it had failed submitted the second one.

In further regard to both the comments from the first and second post I am attempting to rewrite the story with a better grip on the structure of language and readability. I will also work on maintaining a more coherent style.

BB47
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

Like js mentioned, this is a double post. I understand the reasoning behind an author 'refreshing' their content so that a new audience will read it. ... That being said.. the best way to repost a story is to write the sequel. This story has potential but it needs a subplot or a method for Lisa to get out of her situation.. I hate to think that it has a bunch of dead ends. We're left with almost everyone back to normal with one final issue that needs to be resolved. Also, much of the transformation seems unpleasing. There is a way to write this so that the expansion that occurs is more erotic and enjoyable.. not just for Lisa but for all of them.. it would be neat if the soap had a secondary reaction.. the girls actually found themselves turned on by the things that happened to them. Several of the girls steal the soap and the remaining antidote.. later they get together to experiment again.. in front of their boyfriends. Also at a point in the story, you stop using the 3rd person omniscient point of view to let us see inside of Lisa's thoughts.. she becomes an enigma as we watch her punishment from the outside. Instead, you should let us in.. during her combo/reaction is when the culmination is so erotic. It's the perfect time to put the reader in the center of the action... we want to know what she's feeling, thinking, etc.

js
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

De ja vouz?

seems like a rehash of this:

h t t p://overflowingbra.com/storyratings.htm?rateID=2366

Anonymous Internet Troll
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

The story itself is okay, but you really need to learn how to break up paragraphs and use punctuation.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
Due to comment spam, any new posts with http in them will be destroyed.
Your Nickname:

Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

Your comments on the story: