oxriff@ymail.com
Moving into a new house, Mark finds a spell book that gives him a power that will make life quite interesting for the women in his life… chapter 1, more to follow.
PLEASE be sure to comment, either via the Rate Me! function or by e-mail to oxriff@ymail.com !!
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.17
- BE: 2.67
- Characters: 3.42
- Technical: 4.00
Yojimbo
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
I think that it is a very good, and very erotic story, that can be spread into almost any desire.
A little to short and a little to sweet though.
JJMastaFunk
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
I'd like to see some more please!
Oxriff
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Thanks for the comments, guys. i'm working on the second part, but i've also decided to rework the first part. admittedly i was a bit lazy and rushed and didn't explain anything at all. hope to put both of them up soon.
as for Sexified, well, i liked writing it but i don't know where to take it after the last part (6: a whole new level), although i guess i could give it a GRITTY REBOOT, which seems very much in vogue these days lol.
ZK
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Wasn't enough BE, but it's a great start. I'm looking forward to the rest.
On a sidenote, are you going to do more Sexified spin-offs? That series was awesome :)
SMAP
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
Not terrible, but definitely could use some polishing. From a technical perspective, you definitely need to work on things like line breaks between speech, paragraph spacing, etc; it was far from unreadable, but there were times when it was a bit awkward.
I would agree that it felt a bit short and lacked much BE, but that's somewhat acceptable in what is obviously a first chapter. Presumably there would be more development in later installations of the series. You could definitely afford to draw out the descriptions a bit- tell us about things, don't just tell us that they're there.
DarkChick
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
Short and unsatisfying... :( Not enough BE... well, not for a BE website specifically...
Gorp Thorp
Overall= 5, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very nicely done, I concur with everyone else that the BE needed more description, but I'm looking forward to part two, definitely. Good jorb
Anonymous
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
It's a decent start. I'm hoping future changes will build the characters a little bit more and explain the wild character swing of the ex-girlfriend (other than the fact that she became incredibly hot). Good job on the growth description and hopefully we'll see much more of that in the future. :)
Joela
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Nod
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
maybeenuf4u
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I liked everything but the BE. In short there wasnt enough. In my opinion you show a lot of promise, loved the cliff hanger ending! Can't wait for Ch 2. Just hope theres a little more BE.
Finly
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Looking forward to reading the rest
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
Due to comment spam, any new posts with http in them will be destroyed.
