fahzbehn@yahoo.com
A twisted tale by Fahzbehn. Amy, Bonnie and Charisse all have a reputation for not putting-out and all three have taken advantage of William Kalebra. When he creates a bimbo ray-gun, the three prudes find themselves being hunted by the big bad wolf. This is part one (Amy). Pt 2 to come later.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.13
- BE: 3.75
- Characters: 3.88
- Technical: 3.88
spartacus
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I loved this story. When the details and hotness make me want to read it again and again then the author has fully won. I really hope you continue this one. Loved the detail as she was changing, you can never have too much detail of a bimbo transforming.
Gorp Thorp
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Pretty good, I'd like to see a slightly slower transformation and/or perhaps have them struggle against the mind control a little more. I'm looking forward to the next one.
Oxriff
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Liking it so far, reminds me of Tak'Lon's Wager, where a guy also had a gun with similar abilities. My only suggestion is give more details on the transformations and don't focus just on the breasts.
Greaper
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
nicly done but please finish this, as well as your other writings. You have a lot of part ones but no part twos but everwynd nights!
tom3ab
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
good story so far, the milk/cow thing is waaaaay too overdone though. we've seen that who knows how many times, it's way too cliche. and one thing it isn't clear on is where is this cafeteria they're all in? They're not in high school anymore... so why are they all in the same cafeteria?
Davetheninja
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Could use more editing. Writing's solid once you clean it up.
I hope Charisse gets away.
obi138
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
one of the best since the sister niaomi series
SAN
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Very Well Done; Can't Wait For The Next Part!
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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