The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

HubbleOverTaiwan
Milky Mayhem ch 4
Phase 1 of Tia's plan swings into full effect and Mary and Jennifer get caught up in the fun. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a threesome!
Average Scores:

Bahamad
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

While I wasn't expecting to see them, I definitely enjoyed the visuals of the transformations, and the urgency to fight the corruption was fairly well played.

Kanodin
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

This story, against all odds when the first episode came out, piques my interest. I would prefer you invest time in proof-reading your creations, or solicit the help of a friend or acquaintance to lend his or her eyes and skills to check your composition for errors. The occasional errors are unfortunate, but I suppose it reminds us of your humanity and the zero commission we pay for your creation.

I particularly like how you push two stories separately, yet show how they eventually will collide. Are there any hidden cameos in Chapter 1?

The final stages of the Tiamat transformations seem out of place, especially the male version. If you do not intend to make them disgusting and fearsome (i.e., horror), then I would suggest making them attractive and erotic, rather than strange and foreign (you accomplish this somewhat for the initial transformation stages for the women inducted by Tia). If the previous comments do not already reveal, the reader will first feel an urge to skip over those grotesque portions, given the story's genre (you do not prime the story as a horror genre at the top, so the disgust/fear will alienate the reader).

I like the story overall. Please continue.

G-man001
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

I was really enjoying this till all the weird tfs came out. Still like it enough to keep reading, but I think a small recap of what has happened and what it all means is necessary (to be included in the next installment)

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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