This is my first story. Please leave commentary, and this is going to be in parts.
Definitely one of my favorites!
OUTSTANDING! My favorite type of writing. Can't wait for the sequel and other stories.
I eagerly await your next story!
I really, really, really liked this stoty. The quantity and quality of the growth/BE is perfect so far, because they're balanced appropiately.
Its been awhile since you wrote this, any idea when part 2 will arive?
Great Story So Far. Hurry up with the rest!
Since it's your first story I'll cut you some slack because there are some rather obvious writing pitfalls in here, such as the "exposition dump" at the beginning. Hopefully as you continue writing you'll learn how to insert key details about your characters, setting and plot more subtly. With that said, I do like your premise as I am a fan of growth as well as BE. I'm looking forward to seeing how much further you plan to take this story.
I thought this story was excellent. Totally looking forward to pt2 and more!
Out of all the stories i've read from here (possibly 200) i'd have to say this was in my top 20 favorite stories. I'm very much looking forward to the rest fo your exciting story!
This is a great start! I'm glad you just didn't toss up part 1 and ask for feedback. I'm really looking forward to the rest of this.
A good first story. Continue!
its alright, it moved to slow for my taste
A few grammatical errors here and there. The main character's lack of reaction to her growth, however, is very disconcerting. If someone was obviously growing almost a foot taller right before my eyes, I think I'd have a reaction. Also, when speaking, most people use contractions.
Nicely done! Liked it alot. Just keep up like this and at least I will like the story ^^ Good luck with the rest of the story hope you finnish it soon (:
So far good for a first start that's for sure. The conversation between characters seems a little rigid though. Might want to try smoothing that out, seems more robotic than natural.
my only negative comment is why does he never ask, "What's happening?" You grew last night, you are growing again, but I'm sure it will all be explained in the end...you mean to tell he's not curious?
I thought there were a couple of cheesy lines ("world of something", "comical romance movie"), and the dialogue sounded too stiff to be realistic; people use contractions in speech even when they're trying to make a good impression. Overall though, I like where this is headed.
This is an awesome first story. The characters feel realistic to me and the growth is well described.
Okay, you've got my interest. Please continue.
I liked the story, but it seemed to be lacking in the BE Detail, it also seems to contain some GTS. I know there will be more as the story goes on, but *waits patiently by playing Breath Of Fire games* I'm impatient.
Diction is an author's most important tool in making his characters connect with the reader. Your vocabulary choices and style of expression suggest college professor more the college student.
I suggest either modifying your diction to match your characters or modifying your characters to match your diction.
Quirky and I like it. He seems like a very likable character (mainly due to his demeanor) and Laurie's mysterious nature makes her even better. The quality of the writing is great, which is always helpful for the overall enjoyment of the story. Keep up the good work, it has started off very nicely indeed.
Your story was great. I loved the plot development so much it was really well thought out. I admit that I can't wait for the second part to be written. My favourite part is too hard to pick, so all I can say is keep it up!