Gets to the point way too quickly, in the most uninteresting fashion possible.
A rather bland, Boom, here it is approach. Almost no description of any of the actions. If the author gives me permission I could see what I can do to help it along.
Yea sure go for it >.>
Just wierd and no plot development. A very amateurish piece of writing. A waste of time to read.
Spelling errors, little or no character development, not really any BE, its over before you even get into it with some sort of attempt at a moral lesson at the end... I guess
Uh... yeah honestly it sounds like either english is your second language or you're a 12 year old trying to write this stuff. It's always cool to see people add stories but I can't recommend you post another like this unless you can get someone to clean it up for you.
I think the writing was a bit too simplistic for this crowd
Very unmotivational. Too rushed and no character development. It's a wham-bam-thank you kiddies... It's got a good idea, but there's got to be more plot. It sounds like that this was written by someone who shouldn't be on this site, who hasn't cybered much, and who's probably still a virgin! Also a hint: SPELLCHECK
one word: short.
Worst. Story. Ever.
It was like reading a middle school research paper - expository writing that glazes over pretty much everything. Didn't really feel like a story at all. The characters were flat, and the plot was rushed. There was BE. It passed quickly, and was *hardly* the focus here. There were many spelling and grammatical errors, and when i opened the file the formatting was wonky to the point that it just didn't fit the page right.
I guess you know what my review is gion to be [like previouse ones]
I hope this dosnt discourage you .
you should learn from your mistakes and try again next time .
you cant become better without hard work .
Poor spelling made this something I wouldn't read again. Worst story on here, guaranteed.
Try spacing your writting, it will help a lot.
whats up with making the characters 15?