It's pleasant sitting at work to distract from it�to relax and read the information written here:D
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
This one didn't realy work for me. Nothing stands out as being wrong, but it doesn't push many buttons either. Since it's a short piece, it doesn't have time to pick up any replacements.
High Commander doesn't fall into the trap of cup-size description, but then he really doesn't do too much description at all.
Nice people having fun with growing boobs. Frankly, we don't see enough of that, so I like the characters. Because you only get one point of view, often a first person story does little to define the the other characters. Ton Kyrion avoided this nicely in "Flowers," but Here Max is flat.
On the mechanical side of things, there is nothing wrong with the story, it just lacks fire. That's more an overall enjoyment thing, so penalizing a writer twice . . . nah.
Present tense really has to be watched over carefully to work and Her Best Asset doesn't always stay on target. There are no out-and-out tense slips, but some wording, while correct, is clunky. Present tense does not handle the future well at all, so when you write yourself into "After a moment" or the like.
Present tense does work well for nice steamy sex scenes, though.
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
"Holy snow, they are bigger!"
I love that.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)