I was still uneasy with my "rewrite". So, I followed the tutorial on the BEA and created more plot, character development, and hopefully made a better story. Still the same story, sequal almost finished. Thanks for all the previous feedback.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.50
- BE: 3.00
- Characters: 2.83
- Technical: 3.17
andrat2000
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
I think you should keep on writing, nevertheless you should do some improvement. I guess you had planned a 2nd part? If not I don't need to know that the sisters are millinoaires and some other info's. For example why do I need to know that her father was CEO? Is this related to something in the 2nd part (I have an nice idea ;-) ? What is with the aunt and uncle?
The story itself is really nice, but I had the feeling there where many gaps in it.
Breasts
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Could you up load this in a different format as I can't read it :(:(:(
FlashBigger
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
A definite improvement! Way to go on that front. One thing to consider is the logical flow of a story- you've deepened the story, and added much more to the characters, but you haven't really given a REASON for any of this advancement- In the first page, you give a history, but it seems too convinient... but all the same, I enjoyed the story a great deal, and definitely saw a big improvement! Great job!
Benji Dude
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
A good improvement on the original. you might want to pay closer attention to typo's. Looking forward to the next part.
DarkHeart
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
As the previous posters said, there was a definite improvement in your writing, but you just glossed over what prompted the girls to be so eager to get really huge breasts.
yournickname
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I liked it. The BE description was rushed at certain points, but it is still a good story.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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