A regularly continuing article for the Bazoom Bagette - the county's leading newspaper
History
The history of the Bazoom County Bathing Beauté Contest is a long and twisted
tale. It may have begun back in the late 1800's when it was noticed that the water from
the town's local spring, the very same water which is still distributed throughout the
town and local environs through its intricate series of waterways, sluices and pipes, had
an invigorating effect on all those who so imbibed.
However, many historians believe that spring existed many hundreds of years
before the town even sprang into existence. But the history of the town and its
romance with its waters took place in Victorian times.
The renown founder of the county and the town, which both bear his name, was
Charles Foster Bazoom, heir to the Bazoom family fortune. His family emigrated from
the little Dutchy of Büsen in the early eighteen-hundreds. He moved west with his
wife and children after the Civil War, looking for the lands of milk and honey.
Taking a homestead on a large tract of land along the northern coast of California,
he had no need of, nor any interest in the various gold prospecting ventures which were
prevalent at the time. He and his family just wanted a peaceful valley near the coast
in which to raise his children and live a happy life.
After a few years the people who had settled in the same area for the same
reasons began to notice an interesting effect that the waters seemed to have on the ones
who lived there. The most noticeable effect was on the growth of certain parts of the
women's anatomy... especially the bosom.
Not having many photos or paintings from that time we can only guess, judging
from the letters and diaries that have survived.
From one such letter... "Odelia, I can't wait to get back home and feel your
melons in my hands. I wait with great anticipation to see what you meant when you
wrote me that, 'I have burgeoned out beyond belief and desire to smother you with
love.' "
From a few pages of a young lady's diary, "Momma had to make me another
dress for my fourteenth birthday party. I only had the other one for a month and
already have burst it asunder. I wonder if I will be as big as Momma someday, I'm
already bigger than that snot-nosed ol' Betsy, and she's sixteen!"
One very ragged photo from that period does reside in
the special collections part of our library. It shows a fairly
young girl who can't seem to keep her blouse buttoned up!
It was marked "Sadie" on the back, but nothing else is
known.
According to the photo experts it is not a forgery, and
it does come from that era. Nothing else is known; who took
it and why, the exact date and place, or how young the
woman is. However the very fact that such a picture of the
young lady, taken at what could be an embarrassing moment,
exists and the quite obvious nonplused look on her face,
indicates that such a thing was more commonplace than most
historians would have us believe.
It was found among some local items which had apparently been stored for some
time, so that it most probably is of local origin, but nothing about it is certain. Anyone
having information about this picture or the lady in it, please contact the library.
Hundreds of documents like these are on display in our Bazoom City Library,
with cross-referencing to our expanding genealogical survey.
As for the Bazoom County Bathing Beauté Contest, it seemed to have started just
before the turn of the century. At the time it was called "The Bazoom County Bathing
Beauty Contest," it was changed in 1965 to reflect the higher cultural value of the era.
Records exist which show that some kind of organized judging took place in the area
of our County Beach in the early '90's, 1890's that is.
A page from one of the ledgers reads:
- Saloon Sally - top, pretty nice, about 73 inches. Good, sturdy legs and
hips. Older, but pretty face. Can sing and dance well.
- Gertie - top, whoa, nelly! At least a hunnerd and twenty, some of the guys
are still arguin' about that. Firm with nice shape. Very shapely legs! Plays
piano. Face O.K.
- Bertha - Almost as big as Gertie, but hangs more, only 95 inches. The
kind of legs you want to write home to Mother about! Very cute, plump
face. Sings a bit.
- Irma - Now this is more like it! Very young, top not quite so big, 82
inches, but very perky. Slim cute legs. Angelic face. Can play, dance and
sing, a little amateurly, but who cares!
... and so on. It appears from some of these records that a lively waging went on as to
the winner of each contest. Gambling is strictly illegal now, of course.
Apparently the contest took part in two stages; there was a public part in which
the ladies wore bathing attire which was appropriate for the times, and then there was
what was called, "The unveiling," which seemed to have taken place at a nearby cove
which had been used as long as records go back for nude bathing. It started out as a
sort of "skinny-dipping" part of the beach, but went on to become the popular place for
adults to bathe in the altogether.
As early as the twenties this taboo seems to have been eased when some accounts
show that the ladies would "unveil" right there in front of the crowd. In the
"flapper" era public morals became such that most of the populace didn't seem
to mind if the ladies wanted to show off right there!
Fortunately, we do have some photos of that era.
The above snapshot seems to be of a group of contestants getting together for the
judging. Many historical experts, however, dispute this, claiming that these girls are
simply too small to have been taken seriously for the judging. It may be that these are
just some typical beach-goers getting together for a group picture.
Other photos from the period do show some of the contestants after the
"unveiling," these are pretty certain to have been of actual contestants. One of these
is shown below:
Notice the man in the background staring goggle-
eyed at the woman. Since most of the local folk were
pretty used to these sights by that time, it is thought that he
was just a photographers "stand-in," someone to act the
part while the photog took his "candid" shot. Notice, also
that this picture is in color. Color film was not actually
available at this time, but all around the pier there were
shops where you could go and have a picture taken, have
it enlarged, and have it tinted by an artist. The pier around
contest time was a very active place, a lot like Coney
Island in New York.
In later times it became popular for the
contestants, and any other women who thought that
they were photogenic, to go to a studio, or "photo
parlor" where eager photographers would be happy to
take more professional pictures... for a fee, of course.
Many of these are in private or public collections and
leave us with a wonderful record of womanhood
down through the years.
Here is one in which it uncertain whether it was a candid
shot or "staged."
The writing on the back says: Lisa, 25. 75" it may have
been a contest photo, taken for record-keeping purposes. No
date exists, but judging from hair styles, etc. it is probably from
the late '40's to early '50's.
This next one is most likely from the late fifties. Her name
seems to have been Karen. No statistics were included. Even
though it is in color it is not a very good quality. It was most
likely taken by an amateur "posing" as a professional.
Word had gotten around to some of the other areas by this time and there were
always a gaggle of young men coming from some of the college towns and even as far
away as San Francisco. They would descend on the town, camera in hand, ready to
snap pictures to take back home and show their disbelieving
friends.
Most of the young women were eager to have their
pictures taken, so these young men always had a willing
assortment of beauties to choose from.
As time went on it became quite proper, even
fashionable to have one's picture published in our local
paper. Even the ones showing the ladies "unveiled."
Here is one of the "fashionable" women known as
Silvia, from the late sixties. She had her photo done at her
home, probably so she wouldn't have to rub elbows with the "common" crowd. It was
most likely made for a boyfriend at the time. She may not have been a contestant, but
she certainly would have qualified.
Since the contest was open to women of all ages and marriage status, it became
a popular "showing off" place for women who wanted to become noticed, either
because they were seeking fame or husbands. After the contest rules were broadened
to include girls as young as sixteen, they even had their pictures published in the
"debutantes" section. By the time most of the girls reached the age of sixteen, they
were already "bursting their seams!"
An early color photo, late fifties or early sixties. Identified on the back as,
"Susan," obviously a "debutante" type, probably in her late teens. Since the photo also
gives some information, she very likely was a contestant. It is not
known whether she was one of the "Princesses" or winners, it
seems possible that she was.
The local library has asked me for help in identifying a
couple of pictures that they have found in their collection with
absolutely no provenance.
The first is one which may have had the name "Tina"
written on the border in pencil. The name has since worn off and
no one has been able to identify it. Some people have said that
they think she may have been a
dancer in a club that they had
seen once. The photo is from an
earlier period and cannot be placed in time exactly.
The hair is an obvious wig and doesn't date the photo
properly.
Anyone who has any information about this and
any other photos in the collection that we publish from
time to time can notify the genealogical section of the city library.
The second is very likely a recent snapshot, but since it is blurred and her face is
mostly out of the picture, it cannot be identified. There are quite a few men in our
press room who very much want to know more about
her. She seems to have been moving at the time the
snapshot was taken. She is quite large even by
Bazoom County standards and everyone is curious
why we have not seen her in the contest. It could be
that she was too young at
the time, but, if we're
lucky, we might see her
in future contests.
There's also a class photo. It shows what appears to
be a class of sixth grade students. From the look of some of
the girls in that photo, the effects of the water were quite
astounding, even then.

It seems to be from the early fifties. The library would
like to know if anyone could identify the school and the participants.
In recent times the local water has been a popular item of export. Whether it has
any lasting effect on people outside of the area remains to be seen The local people
bathe in it, drink it, cook with... and yes, even make beer with it. It has become very
much a part of life in this county.
Besides drinking the water, many of the girls who vie for "Bazoom Princess," for
that is what we call the winners, married or not, have found other ways to "enhance"
their busts. Many of the teen-age girls have tried making an ointment out of the water.
A lot try massage, with boys competing for the honors of doing girls the "favor" of
being their masseur. Various kinds of Yoga exercise have been tried, with the added
attraction of being good exercise for the back muscles.
Groups of women have started "Bazoom Clubs" where they do scientific studies
of bust development. Some of the kids in high school have even won awards for
Science Fair projects.
In all, the legacy of Bazoom County goes on. Businesses have sprung up with
mottoes like, "Bigger Busts for Business." Local television even has "Busty Baking,"
in which one of the recent "Princesses" visits a cooking show and shows off not only
her cooking skills, but also her bountiful bosoms. The regular shopping network on
television was just not up to Bazoom standards, so the local channel started one of their
own, hosted by some of the biggest ladies around. The fashion segment has one of the
highest ratings.
Now that you have had a little background in our history, we invite you to gaze
at our daily Bazoom Bagette's pages in awe!
Local Princess Wins Top Honors!
Sandy Russell, Bazoom County's own channel 22
weathergirl wins top awards for her work on her favorite
charity, The Bambi Brown Boarding House for
Bankrupt Bodacious Broads.
Her prize-winning weather program has proven to be a valuable launching-pad
for many worthwhile projects. While filling her job very nicely at KBAZ, otherwise
known as K-Bazoom, she has had the un-faltering support of her station chief, Varla
Pomeroy, who, for some strange reason, has been very eager to help with busty women
related causes.
Actually, I know Varla quite well, and I have no trouble understanding
why. She is a past "Princess" herself, and considers it her duty to be of service to
"healthy" women everywhere. Being herself on record as one of the "healthiest" it is
easy to see her becoming involved in big bosom projects.
Those who wish to help out with The Bambi Brown House or any of the other
causes supported by the station may contact the station directly.
Prelims Under Way
Preliminary activities for the next Bazoom County Beauté Contest are going
ahead on schedule.
Many young hopefuls are even now preparing for the contest by accelerating their
exercise programs, drinking lots of local water, using various bust-improving creams
and ointments, many of which have been shown to actually have some effect.
Groups of contest-conscious ladies are making plans, comparing notes... and
chests, practicing their particular talents for the talent
portion, and just generally getting psyched up for the
event.
Of course, there are many who are taking the
political tack by announcing themselves to the media,
going on television, appearing at various public events,
etc. Perhaps they expect to "get a leg up" on the
competition by being recognized by the press.
One such hopeful is Dee Dee Beevers, who has
been showing up at the many press junkets that are very
much a part of the contest's preliminary functions.
Says Dee Dee, "I've been preparing for this since
I was fourteen. Now that I'm graduating and preparing
for college, it seemed like just the right time. As you can see,
I've been doing a very effective type of Yoga and I think I am
going for the "huge but perky" look.
At this point she raised her arms, which made her
breasts stand out even more, giving all the cameramen a
preview of just how "perky" she was talking about. She
then posed under the beach shower, rubbing the local
water into her breasts. She says that this has a very
beneficial effect. Our reporter says that he couldn't
agree more!
Another hopeful one is Hannah Brüstmeister, a
local farm girl. She hasn't been in town much, but one day she called up the paper,
gave them her measurements, and asked if we thought she could qualify. We
immediately dispatched a team of photogs and reporters to her farm and met with her.
She was very cooperative and posed for some nice candids.
She seemed very concerned that she might not be able to compete with the "city
gals." We hope we were able to convince her that she did indeed "qualify" and we
looked forward to seeing her in as many contests as she wanted to enter.
She says, "I not only drink "the water," but I
also drink a lot of milk... Do you think it helps? I get
lots of exercise, working here on the farm, and I eat
well... You don't think I'm too fat? Most country
girls are like me. We usually think we ain't pretty
enough. Do I have a chance?"
I heard that by the time our reporters had
managed to get their tongues off the ground, they
were in their vans, flying about the farm country,
looking for more "country hopefuls."
Now Vicky, on the other hand, sent us a very
nicely posed, slightly touched-up studio shot. I
happen to know her, she is not as young as a lot of
the usuals, but she has what it takes. She has been
hiding that wonderful, classic figure from us for a
long time under a voluminous business suit. I'm glad
that she has seen her way to sharing herself with the
curious public. I just hope she will have the nerve to
appear in public when the contest comes around.
Her sensuous classy charm is what the contest needs. A lot of older women are
waiting to see whether or not she puts in an appearance. They need a boost in
confidence before they venture forth.
She sent a list of qualifications along with her
photo, but I'm not sure the judges will believe them!
They will have to measure for themselves. Here they
are anyway; 45 years old, 5'8", 88 -26-40, legs:
gorgeous, hair: natural honey blonde, eyes: blue-
green, no wrinkles (yet), sings, plays violin and piano,
dances... Sounds good to me!
Come on, ladies, a lot of you older women can
compete! Take a chance... if Vicki can do it, so can
you!
A recent import is Tiana. Came here with her
family from Japan a few years ago. She has just
reached the right age and is ready to compete. She
has obviously done a lot of growing up these past years, but, hopefully, she has a lot
of growing yet to do!
Tiana has this to say about her experiences in Bazoom
County, "In my country there are many very sexy ladies, but
they all time covered up! Here I can let it all hang out!"
Well, Tiana, I don't know if "hang" is the right word...
more like pop right out and hit you in the eye! She has come
a long way for one so young. The rate she's going, by the
time she's eighteen, there'll be no one to match her. We wish
her luck in the upcoming event!
I would be remiss if I didn't mention one of the ones
who should compete, but hasn't. Jill Elderberry is one our
natural beach beauties. We see her all the time, swimming
and sunning herself, but she doesn't see herself as ready.
Well, Jill, if you're not ready, I don't know who is.
Listen to me, girl, you're at just the right age, you're very pretty and your figure
is fantastic! Don't wait any longer! Submit your entry form... now is the time!
Another one whom I would like to see enter is my ex-girl-friend Marina.
Unfortunately, (for me) she met and fell in love with her present husband while she
was on vacation in San Francisco. She still has an
absolutely unbelievable figure. Here is a recent picture she
sent me. Her husband is not against it and she has only to
come back to her old homestead for the contest. There is no
residence requirement. No one ever thought to make one,
being that the women here outdistance the women from
anywhere else by a broad margin. But, Marina is native
born and raised. As you can see by the picture, she very
evidently qualifies!
Speaking of women who evidently qualify...
Madeline... Everyone knows her as mourning Madeline.
Ever since her late husband passed away from lung cancer, she has been wandering the
beach like a ghost... the most gorgeous beachcomber that anyone has ever seen! Any
outsider who happens to be lucky enough to spot her roaming the shore probably can't
believe their eyes! We all know her and wish her well, but
she has been withdrawn too long. I only hope that some of
her closer friends will see their way to advise her to join
humanity again!
There are some up-and-coming hopefuls out there who
haven't quite reached maturity yet. They are in the very
important stages of their young lives where much of their
time is spent studying, preparing for their futures. I wish
them well.
Exemplary of these up-and-coming is young Nancy
Saint-Seins, a smart, pretty sophomore at our
Bartholomew Bazoom High School, named after our
founder's son, who went on to design and build many
of our major city buildings and founded our library and
schools.
Young Nancy is tops in her class, well versed in
music and the arts and has an eye for photography.
Perhaps she will someday join the staff here at the
Bazoom Bagette!
Right now she is too young and too small to be in our pageant, but... she is a
growing girl... and someday... who knows!
I have, however, persuaded our section head, Danielle Bristol to enter this year's
contest. She moved here from Los Angeles recently to get the job and is not as big as
some of the gals, but she's catching up fast!
She's only at 72 inches so far, but lately she's been growing a rate of about an
inch a day! By contest time, who knows... the sky's
the limit!
She is in her early thirties, has lots of skills and
talents, and has a very nice figure and is quite pretty.
She had this quote for the paper, "I know I've gotten
a late start, but I think I'm well on my way to
catching up. I exercise a lot, and drink and bathe not
only in the water, but the local cow's milk. I have
this theory that if I drink the milk from cows that
drink the water it will enhance the effect. It seems to
be working... hee hee!"
Well, all of us at the paper are rooting for you,
Danielle, good luck with the milk experiment!
One other surprising recent immigrant from
L.A. is Stefanie Senos, a bleached blonde actress type who left a promising career in
Hollywood to come up here to try out for the contest. When she first got here, five
years ago, she was fascinated by the whole affair. The idea of this kind of event
sparked something in her. However, when she found out that it was only open to
natural women, she was a little disappointed. She had
not had implants, as many starlets do, because she was
afraid of the medical complications.
When she saw the host of gorgeous, naturally-
endowed women here, she thought she could never
compete without surgery. Now, however, after having
been here for five years, she found herself succumbing
to the local stimuli.
It took a while, but we think she has done well!
She had this to say for the camera, "Dahlings, I think
I'm ready. Watch out, I'll give you girls a run for your
money. I cahn't wait till they see me back in
Hollywood, but first I'm going to win this one!" What can I say? We just have to wish
her luck!
Local construction worker, Ellie Mae Blodgett, has been working in the street in
the buff, lately. Is she trying to get noticed by newspeople... or judges?
Born on a local farm, Ellie has been corn-fed ever since a little tyke. Living on
a farm seems to have this consequence for ladies, that they expand like balloons! It
could be the fact that they live on good wholesome dairy products from cows that drink
the special water. It could just be that a healthy lifestyle produces a healthy body...
Well, whatever the cause, Ellie has got it in spades! At a present 109 inches she
may hold the record in the next contest! They sag a bit, but not by much! With the
load she's carrying around it's amazing that she can even walk, let alone float down
the street the way she does.
Our reporter caught up with her on the job and this is what she had to say,
"Madeline is my only worry. If she decides to run, it may be a tough contest. I been
milk-feedin' these babies since I was a little girl."
This reporter doubts whether she was ever a "little"
anything!
If you get a chance you should see the news
report that was done that day when it runs again on
the local channel. By request it has been running over
and over. It seems that she was doing some stretching
during a break on the job and there is one scene that is
just breathtaking!
An observant person, who just happened to have
a camera at the time, spotted an unknown at the beach.
She must live in one of the cottages along the shore.
She may be a descendant of the many railroad workers that came to the town in the late
1800's.
No one I know of has spoken to her. She hasn't been seen at any of the many
beach events. If she ever decided to enter, it would signal a new age in the history of
the contest.
One of the news crew said that he thought her name was Sachiko, and that she
was too young to enter. Judging from the photo, even though she's not the largest,
she's certainly the largest for her age... and they stand out beautifully! If she qualifies
by next year there is going to be some contest!
One of the old-timers is Mimi. She is a trooper, she has been entering now for
ten years. Never won anything, her figure just wasn't full enough, she has a very petite
body... and those enormous balloons! Some judges are very picky.
She feels that she looks good, however, and she won't get any argument in this
town!
When asked for a comment she said, "Oh, I just like to show it off, you know!
I never expect to win, I just like all the excitement!
This town has some very pretty girls... lots of them.
More every year! I get caught up in the whole thing...
hee hee! It's sooo much fun... all these good-looking
guys... with cameras... hee hee!"
It was fun for our newsmen, just watching her
giggle... and wiggle! I say that because I know she'll
read it... and appreciate it.
It is well known that she has two daughters that
are approaching the age. If they turn out anything like
their mother, it will be interesting to see what happens!
One of them, Leilani, is already old enough for
the contest, but doesn't feel ready, yet. Her Mom gave
me the photo to run, so I know it's all right!
She has been spotted with her girlfriends on the old nudist section of the beach,
where a lot of the young girls go to tan and meet their
friends. It is sort of secluded, so they don't get a lot
of nosy outsiders.
No official measurements yet, but she's bigger
than her Mom already! I would guess, from the
photo... about 77 inches... on a very petite frame!
I have seen her, on occasion, and snapshots do
not do her justice! Hers stand out high and firm, like
most young girls, and have the nicest shape! When
she walks, they bounce just right... not too stiff, but
not too sloppy... just right. The judges are going have
to start a new category, just for her!
Her sister is named Chi-Chi, she's too young to
pose unveiled, as far as her Mom is concerned. She's
eager, however, for the day when she can enter the contest
and "unveil!" Going by her present snapshot... by
that time she's going to be astounding!
With the bra top on, and her posing like this,
it's very hard to judge her size. But, if she stands out
like her older sister... I would say... about... well...
between 96 and 100 inches... and she's just entering
high school! And, she's the youngest!
It doesn't hurt that she's also the prettiest... and
that her form is divine! Did you notice that her top
is rather sheer... are those soupbowl-sized aureoles I
see! And... shotglass sized nipples!! In three more
years... my God!
One final one for this issue. If you ever travel out to the east end of the county,
along Old Mill Highway, you might happen upon this bar... it looks like any old bar,
but with a difference. There is this very nice lady who runs the bar, everyone calls her
Kim. Believe me, it's worth the trip just for the hope that you might catch a glimpse
of her!
She's much too busy, now to attend our little event, but if she ever did... all bets
are off!!!
She worked on her Dad's farm until she got old enough to work in the bar. When
he passed away, she took it over. They say she takes after her Mom... Mom must have
really been something!
If you stop by, say Hi for me... and if you're very lucky... you might get to dance with
her... if the bar's warm enough, she wears nothing but socks!
* * *
That's all for now, see you on the turn-around.
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