![]() The Biggest Breasts in the Worldby Steve Palmer |
THE TELEPHONE RANG. Lyle Montford looked up from his work, annoyed. Some days he wished he could simply yank the cord out of the wall and throw the stupid phone in the trash. The readout told him it was Barbara, their operator and receptionist. “Montford,” Lyle said in a tone that was meant to convey forced politeness. “Your two o’clock is here.” “My two o’clock?” “A Mizz Lawrence. Says she has an appointment.” He opened his appointment book, and there she was: Eileen Lawrence. Shit. “Okay, thanks Barbara. I’ll be right there.” He straightened his tie, put his desk in something resembling order, and walked out of his office toward the lobby. The place was humming. Good little worker bees buzzing here and there, making money for the company. Atlantic Productions had been a struggling medium-small video production house whose bread and butter was local-market television commercials until Montford had managed to land the Guinness account. Now with a weekly network series in their pocket, the company was poised to start running with the big dogs. “Guinness Prime Time” had become a serious ratings contender from the start, and now, working closely with the publishers of the Guinness Book of World Records, Atlantic Productions was fat and busy: a good way for a small business to be. Making eye contact with Barbara on his way into the lobby, he detected a “look” from her. He had no idea what that might be about, and neither did he care. Rounding the corner, he saw an attractive young woman sitting reading a magazine. “Ms. Lawrence?” he said, flashing his polished broadcasting grin as he extended his hand. She stood and shook his hand. “Thank you for seeing me, Mr. Montford.” His professional smile was trained to stay neatly in place, even when everything came crashing down around him. Moments like this, for example. The woman before him was tastefully dressed in a sweater and skirt – not too short: just above the knees. What had caused his facial expression to freeze was the sight of her phenomenally huge breasts! He wasn’t able to make his mind come to grips with their astounding size: they were bigger than basketballs! He could tell she was wearing a brassiere (because her sweater let a touch white show through) and yet her nipples still managed to protrude well beyond the broad frontal contour of her huge bust. He might have tried to protect his sanity by thinking her boobs weren’t real, but there was nothing about them that seemed fake. He heard his mouth say, “Come on in, Ms. Lawrence; we can talk in my office.” He motioned the way for her and fell in step beside her. Her breasts were so amazingly enormous that no matter how smoothly the woman tried to walk, they bounced deeply in heavy dips. Normally a first-time visitor would get the royal tour of the production facilities, but if he were to parade this woman around with her monster boobs, work would instantly come to a screeching halt. Even as it was, everyone they passed, regardless of gender, stopped to do a double take, if not to let jaw and eyeballs drop to the floor. He showed her into his office and moved a chair up for her. As he eased into his own chair, he asked, “What can I do for you today, Ms. Lawrence?” “I’d like to talk to you about the show you produce – Guinness Prime Time”. “Yes?” “I’d like you to consider me for a spot on the program. As you can see, I have an extremely large bust – I’d be willing to bet it’s the biggest in the world. I want to claim the record as the woman with the biggest breasts in the world, and issue a challenge to any woman who might be bigger than I am.” Lyle was at a loss for words, and for a veteran broadcaster, it was quite a loss. Since it was she herself who was directing his attention to her enormous boobs, he felt it was politically safe to let his eyes move down to her chest. He had always considered himself to be a breast man, but he had never really considered what loveliness might be found in a spectacularly oversize pair of tits. Hers were incredibly enormous and he was having difficulty lifting his eyes away from them. The longer he looked, the more arresting the sight of them was. Under his gaze, she confidently straightened up in her seat and thrust her immense bosom out for him to see, turning slowly from one side to the other. He sat stunned by the overwhelming volume of the woman’s massive boobs. “My breasts are naturally this big; I’ve never had implants. I don’t know what my bra size would be. I’ve been too big for an off-the-shelf brassiere from the age of fourteen, and I’ve made my own ever since. But I can tell you that my measurements are 96-24-36.” Lyle blinked in wonder at her bust measurement, and then collected himself enough to ask, “Are you a professional dancer? A model?” “Actually I’m a real estate agent. I’ve been asked a number of times if I wanted to do some modeling or stripping, but that doesn’t interest me. It’s not that I’m particularly shy about my body or too prudish to display myself in public. I just don’t feel like doing that. Not as a career. But I do want to find out if I actually have the biggest breasts in the world, and if so, I’d like official recognition.” He finally looked back at her face and was pleasantly reminded how pretty the woman was. Picking up a pencil and tapping it on his desk, he commented, “I want you to be aware that if you do go on our show, it will change your life. The woman who pops her eyes out now does it professionally. Her appearance caused quite a commotion, but if America gets a look at you, you’ll stand this country on its ear!” She smiled. “Should I take that as a compliment?” He chuckled quietly. “Please do. Now, I don’t know how the network censors will react to the idea of having you on the show.” “When that tattooed girl was on your program, you let her show an awful lot of skin. And she was very busty.” “True. But regardless, we’ll have to run it by the censors before we do anything. And we’ll also have to talk to the Guinness people in the UK to see if they’re willing.” “There’s no current category in the Guinness Book for World’s Biggest Breasts,” Eileen commented. “I know.” “Ah, so you’ve looked.” “Every year,” Lyle confessed with a smile. “But Atlantic Productions has the latitude to create new categories if we have the need, so that’s not an issue. In fact, my own opinion is that you should definitely go on the show. We’ve been getting fantastic ratings by featuring things that have never been shown on television before. And it’s an established fact that big breasts mean big ratings. What I’d like to do is make a couple of phone calls – to Guinness in Britain and to our censor at Fox, and while I’m doing that, if it’s convenient for you, I’d like you to do a short screen test for us.” “Now?” “If that’s okay.” “Sure! That’d be great!” “Good! Then if you’ll just come with me,” he said as he got up from his desk, “I’ll take you to our production area.” She stood as Lyle picked up the phone and gave orders for her screen test to be taken care of. Hanging up, he concluded, “You’re all set, then. Let’s go!” As Eileen and Lyle left his office and walked down the hall together, Eileen’s huge boobs wobbled and bounced along a pace ahead of her. Each person they passed reacted to her extreme figure, some in subtle ways, others not so subtle, but nobody passed without noticing. Montford stopped at the door of an office and poked his head inside. “Virginia, you got a minute?” he asked. “Sure, Lyle. What can I do for you?” He ushered Eileen inside the office and introduced her to Virginia Boatwright, one of their Executive Producers. She was a shortish woman with dark hair and a face that was strictly business. She was dressed in a gray suit and had her hair pulled back tight. Montford gestured to Eileen, saying, “This is the young lady I just spoke to you about: Eileen Lawrence. Eileen – Virginia Boatwright.” Virginia extended her hand and greeted Eileen with a broad smile, saying, “It’s good to meet you Ms. Lawrence. I look forward to working with you.” “Same here. Call me Eileen.” “Thank you; and you call me Virginia.” She and Lyle discussed technicalities for a few moments, and then he moved toward the door with Eileen in tow. “Uh, Lyle?” Virginia called after him. He turned his head to her. “Yeah?” “Corporate by-laws state that anyone making a claim regarding the size and/or shape of their physical body or any part thereof must be given a cursory examination by a same-sex employee to provide initial verification before any video is shot.” He looked at her blankly for a second, and then motioned to Eileen, who was just out the door, that she should wait for him. Stepping back to Virginia’s desk, he put his hands on it and leaned toward her, whispering, “Yes, the by-laws do so state. But the intent is to prevent somebody from getting their sexual jollies in the process.” “There’s nothing about intent in the rules, Lyle. It just says ‘a same-sex employee’. It doesn’t say a word about lesbians. So I’m gonna examine her, and don’t tell me you wouldn’t love to!” Slowly, he grinned at her. “Okay, but I want a full report.” “Lyle, I have never in my life seen such a big beautiful pair of tits!” “She’s something, isn’t she? Well, have fun.” “You know it.” He turned and asked Eileen to step back in again. “Virginia has just reminded me that –“ “The by-laws? I heard that part. Sure, I assumed something like that would be necessary. Anytime.” “I’ll be out in the hall.” “Oh, now? Okay.” As soon as Lyle had closed the door behind him, Virginia spoke in her most motherly tone, “I know this is awkward and embarrassing for you Eileen, and I apologize, but it’s for your protection as well as ours.” Eileen was already lifting up her sweater. “No problem.” In a few seconds it was off, and Virginia marveled at the huge brassiere that had been revealed. Its band was so wide it reached from just below her shoulder blades all the way to her waist. The 3-inch-wide shoulder straps were well padded and the cups were deeply cut, showing a vast tract of cleavage. “Where do you get your bras? Custom made, I’m sure.” “Yes, in fact I make my own. It saves me a fortune.” As Eileen started undoing the numerous hooks that bristled on the undergarment, Virginia scribbled a note to herself on a yellow legal pad: ‘makes own bras’. She hated to take her eyes away from the disrobing woman even for a moment, but that was a tidbit they ought to use somewhere in the copy. When she looked up again, the bra was unhooked and Eileen was carefully sliding the straps off her shoulders, cradling her immense bosom with one arm. She eased the bra downward, letting it slip off her tremendous boobs, which looked as if they were growing even bigger as she did so. Finally the bra was removed entirely, exposing her enormous mammaries for Virginia, who was quickly becoming aroused. She nearly gasped out loud when she saw them exposed. They protruded extravagantly out in front of her, hanging down past her waist. Nature had packed the maximum amount flesh into the skin of her incredible breasts. They were beautiful: symmetrically shaped, and crowned with proportionately oversize nipples and areolae. Virginia’s ironclad cool had been completely trashed by this magnificent pair of tits. Trying her best to sound detached, she commented off-handedly, “They actually seem bigger with your bra off.” “That’s by design. Over the years I’ve figured out how to make my bras minimize my bust. It’s a little uncomfortable,” she explained as she rubbed the compressed flesh of her huge tits, “but I’m used to it. Now, don’t you need to poke me or something, just to be sure these are all me?” “As a matter of fact I do,” Virginia said, glad that Eileen had come up with such a splendid idea. When she got close to the woman for the inspection, her boobs seemed impossibly big! They just went on forever, stretching to the horizon as the sun set behind them. Though she wanted to grab those massive melons with both hands, she mustered all her self-discipline and merely ran the back of one knuckle over Eileen’s soft skin. “Amazing,” Boatwright announced, flushed with desire. “Go ahead and give one of them a good squeeze – I want you to be confident I don’t have implants.” “Right.” Virginia happily complied, thoroughly massaging one of Eileen’s enormous boobs with both hands. “You’re the real deal alright,” she concluded. “Now when we tape the show, I don’t want you to wear anything that minimizes your bust. Maybe a nice sexy swimsuit. Would you have any objection to wearing something revealing on national television?” “No problem.” “Great! Do you have something that’ll look nice?” “I have a few different styles of bikinis I could wear – some are more revealing than others. I can bring them all in and you could pick one.” “That’ll be terrific. Well,” Virginia reluctantly concluded, “I guess we’re ready to go do your screen test.” “What is a screen test?” “A screen test in this case is just a matter us rolling some footage on you, basically so we can have something to refer to when we’re in preproduction. Not that anybody will have trouble remembering you, Eileen.” “Thank you,” she said, somewhat distracted by the difficulty she was having putting her bra back on, much to Boatwright’s pleasure. “I’m sorry to hold you up, but I’m having a little trouble here. Could you give me a hand?” “Sure, sweetie. What do you want me to do?” she asked, delighted to help. “If you could just lift up under the cups for a second, I think I could get this.” “Sure,” Virginia said, hoping her glee was undetectable. She put her palms under Eileen’s humongous brassiere-sheathed tits, and pushed up on them. Their weight was deliciously extreme. “This bra’s getting a little too small for me. I need to either alter it or make a new one, but I just haven’t had time.” “It shrank in the wash?” “No, actually, I’m still developing.” “Pardon me?” “Yeah, my boobs haven’t stopped growing yet. Isn’t that a hoot? Here I am 24 years old with a bust measurement of 96 inches, and my breasts are still getting bigger.” “Good grief! Is it hard on your back?” “Not really. A well-designed bra can help a lot in preventing back strain, but mostly I think I’m just naturally built for really big boobs. There! All hooked up. Thanks for helping.” “My pleasure.” Indeed it was, thought Virginia as she watched Eileen put her sweater back on. It looked hopelessly big for her until she pulled it down over her mammoth bosom, which filled it completely, stretching it tight. “Well, if you’re ready, I’ll take you to Studio D and we can get started.” “Lead the way.” When they arrived, every head turned toward Eileen and every eye was fixed upon her tremendous bust. One of the female technicians gasped very audibly upon seeing her. Virginia introduced her and explained why she was there, and after giving a few directions to the crew, she led Eileen to a small dressing room for make up. She had Eileen take her brassiere off again so the camera could catch the full magnitude of her immense bosom beneath her sweater. When Eileen was ready, a technician escorted her to the set. Her tremendous, unrestrained tits bounced and wiggled profoundly as she walked, evoking quiet exclamations of awe from the crew. She was taken to a lone stool on the studio floor and was told to just stand there for a minute while the lighting was adjusted. Virginia went to the booth to watch on the monitors. The screens showed Eileen busily fixing her clothes, tucking in her sweater again after her gigantic tits had pulled it out with their heavy, unbridled antics. Virginia noticed that the engineer was already rolling tape; in fact he had three machines recording every image he possibly could of Eileen’s spectacular form. Under different circumstances, the engineer would have received a mild reprimand for wasting time and tape, but Virginia was sympathetic in this case. Once the lights were set, the engineer flipped the switch on his talkback microphone and announced, “Rolling.” Virginia sat down in the chair next to him at the console and took the Mic. “Okay, Eileen, I want you to tell us a little about yourself – relax and pretend you’re just talking to a friend.” “Alright, I’ll try. I’m a little nervous.” “You’re doing fine.” “Uh, my name is Eileen Lawrence, I’m originally from Columbus Ohio, I’m single…” (this elicited a scattering of applause from male members of the crew, making Eileen laugh sheepishly), “… Thank you! Um – I’m 24 years old, 5 foot 3 inches tall, and my measurements are 96-24-36…” These statistics were met with enthusiastic hoots and more applause. Virginia keyed the Mic again and snapped, “Quiet on the set, please! Okay, Eileen, would you please turn to one side? Thank you.” The engineer sitting next to her whistled respectfully upon seeing Eileen’s protuberant profile. She stood straight and proud with her excessive bust thrown out imposingly before her, still undulating as a result of her change of position. The temperature in the studio was kept very cool in order to offset the heat that the equipment produced, and Eileen’s generous nipples were swelling dramatically in response, becoming even more pronounced through her sweater. “I’m a real estate agent by profession,” the wondrously busty young woman continued, “and I’m here today because I want to go on the Guinness show as the woman with the Biggest Breasts in the World.” One wolf whistle was heard, but the rest of the crew maintained their discipline. A cameraman zoomed in on her corpulent bosom for a tight shot, capturing the subtle jiggling and swaying that was going on even though Eileen was standing still. She continued listing various facts about herself until she could no longer think what to say. Virginia opened her Mic, saying, “That’s good, Eileen. Now just stay there and let us run some more footage of you. Try sitting on the stool now.” As Eileen climbed onto the stool, her immense tits rocked and swung ponderously. The commotion untucked her sweater and caused it to ride up on her huge tits, exposing their bare bottoms. Once she situated herself on the seat, she pulled the sweater back down with an embarrassed grin. As she crossed her shapely legs on the stool, her skirt hiked up on her thigh, adding yet another dimension to this feast for the eyes. The engineer sitting beside Virginia asked jokingly, “I don’t suppose you could have her do a few jumping jacks, could you?” She smiled but made no reply, silently wishing she could. Lyle entered the production booth and reclined on a couch against the wall behind Virginia and the engineer. “How’s it going?” “Real good. The camera loves her.” “She’s really something, Lyle,” the engineer commented. “Where’d you find her?” “She found me, Ernie. Called and made an appointment to see me. I’d never heard of her.” Boatwright leaned over the console and keyed the Mic, saying, “Okay, that’s good. Thank you, everybody. Eileen, would you come in here, please.” All eyes followed her as she hopped off the stool, causing her immense breasts to bounce wildly, and walked across the studio floor. Her enormous bosom continued to dip and wobble heavily, even after she had entered the booth and come to a halt. Everyone watched her with rapt appreciation. Braless, her immense boobs stretched the front of her sweater out so it bulged out over the waistband of her skirt. “Want to see the tape?” “Sure!” She sat next to Lyle on the couch and watched the monitor. Ernie started the tape and then took the other two copies off the machines and hid them, an act that did not go unnoticed by Virginia. “We need sound, Ernie,” she said with a look that told him to pay attention to his work. He stepped over to the board and turned up the soundtrack of the tape. “There you go.” “My boobs don’t look as big on TV,” Eileen commented with a note of disappointment. “Unfortunately, television makes everyone’s boobs look smaller while making everything else on the human body look bigger.” Virginia answered. “But don’t worry, dear. Your figure won’t be lost on the TV audience. You look great. And you have good stage presence, too.” “I just got off the phone with Nigel at Guinness,” Lyle said as the tape continued to roll, “And he says that there are so many difficulties in trying to accurately compare women’s bust sizes, that they’ve just avoided having a ‘World’s Biggest’ in that category.” “What difficulties?” asked Virginia. “Well – say a really fat woman has a bust measurement of 97 inches. She could claim to have a bigger bust than Eileen’s.” “Yeah, but only a bigger bust measurement, not bigger breasts.” “Right. Now, what if a really fat woman did have bigger breasts than Eileen’s? Should she be disqualified because her boobs are pumped up with fat? How would you differentiate? What guidelines do you use? But the good news is, when I described Eileen to him, he said to e-mail a picture of her, and if she’s as busty I say she is, we can put her on!” Everyone in the booth applauded, including Eileen. “Nigel says to let her make the claim of having the biggest boobs in the world and see if anyone challenges her. I doubt that anyone will, but if it happens, we’ll have a great follow-up segment!” “Terrific!” Virginia exclaimed. “Did you call the censor?” “Yes; he’s going to get back to me. I assured him we weren’t going to show her naked or anything. All we’re doing is having a guest on the show with unusual body dimensions: no different from the Tallest Man, or Shortest Woman, or any of those others we’ve already had on the show.” “Good for you, Lyle,” Virginia said. “I don’t see how they could argue with that. It’s absolutely true.” “Does my voice really sound like that?” Eileen asked, watching herself on the monitors. “Sure does,” Ernie explained. “Everyone thinks they sound funny when they hear their voice on a recording for the first time. You’re accustomed to hearing it resonate inside your skull. It’s like listening with your head in a box – your voice sounds different to you than it does to other people.” As Ernie expounded upon Audio Theory, Lyle caught Virginia’s eye and silently mouthed, “How was it?” as he motioned with his eyes to Eileen beside him. Virginia widened her eyes in a brief expression of awe, and then mouthed back, “I’ll tell you later.” The monitor was showing Eileen getting up on the stool with her colossal mammaries caroming violently beneath her sweater. “Oh dear,” she said as she put her face in her hands. “Please don’t ask me to do that on the show. I need every ounce of dignity I can get!” The intercom beeped and a distorted voice called out, “Ron Davidson for Lyle on line three.” “Thank you, Barbara.” Lyle called out as he stood. “This is the censor, Eileen.” Picking up the phone, he punched a button and said, “Lyle Montford. …Yes, Ron! …Uh-huh. …Yeah. …Good! …They did? …Okay, we can do that. …Right. No problem. …Super! Thanks, Ron. …You too. Take care.” Smiling, he hung up and announced, “If we don’t show an excess of cleavage and we don’t let her breasts bounce too much, they said go ahead!” They gave a cheer at this news, and Eileen celebrated excitedly on the couch, making her breasts jiggle extravagantly. “And as I said, we can’t have any of that!” Lyle added, pointing at Eileen’s great, rollicking bosom. Everyone chuckled pleasantly, and Eileen said, “I guess I’d better go put my bra back on!” “Before you do, let me wrap up here by saying that I think you’re going to be a sensational part of our show, and I’m looking forward to working with you.” Eileen rose from the couch. “Thank you, Lyle.” “Virginia,” he continued, “let Eileen know as soon as possible when you’ll be taping.” “I’ll get you that date and time before you leave, dear,” Virginia promised. “And let me know, too,” Lyle added. “Uh, Ernie – dub me off a PAL version of that tape for Nigel, and grab a frame with a good shot of Eileen, and e-mail it to him as soon as possible.” “Right.” “Oh, and dub off a VHS copy for me too, while you’re at it,” Lyle went on. “And one for me.” Virginia added, taking Eileen by the arm and walking with her out the door. “Eileen, I need to do a nice side-bar on you before we tape the show. Some background material that we’ll run just before you come out and meet the live audience.” “I see.” “Maybe next week we can bring a camera to your house and get some footage of you at home – and while we’re there, by the way, I’ll need to borrow some pictures of you growing up. Can we come to your workplace and shoot, too?” “Sure! I’m basically my own boss, and I know Howard won’t mind. He’s my partner.” “Oh, your partner. Significant other?” Eileen giggled. “My business partner; we run a real estate office. Much as I love him, I don’t consider a 72-year-old man to be ‘significant other’ material.” Virginia laughed and added, “Unless he’s rich!” “So what day next week do you want to come?” “How about Monday?” “That’d be fine, Virginia.” “I’ll send a female crew.” “Great!” The day finally came when they were scheduled to tape Eileen’s segment in front of a live audience. She had brought several bikinis with her, which were laid out on a table in her tiny dressing room. She and Virginia were studying them, trying to choose which would be best for her to wear on the program. “This red one is very nice, but red is terrible on TV. It bleeds all over the place. Let’s try the blue,” she said as she picked it up and handed it to Eileen. Since the bosomy beauty didn’t raise any objection to undressing in front of her, Virginia didn’t offer to leave. Eileen stripped down to nothing and began putting on the bikini. Needless to say, she was a stunning sight without her clothes. Virginia knew people were going to sit up and take notice. “Eileen, I have a feeling you’re going to be really big.” “Excuse me?” she asked, pulling up her bikini bottom. “That is, you’re going to make a big impression on the TV audience.” “I just hope it’s a good impression. I’m already nervous.” “Dear, all you have to do is stand there and be pretty. Your body will do all the talking. Besides, you did fine on your screen test,” (which by then had become a company classic, having been watched repeatedly by a number of Atlantic Productions employees in the privacy of their bedrooms). “Just don’t think about yourself, Virginia exhorted. “Keep your focus on the audience. Think of one person you love and pretend they’re the only one watching you.” “Okay. That sounds good. Would you give me a hand, please, Virginia? Tie this around back for me, if you would.” “Sure, dear.” When the bikini top was secure, she turned around to face Virginia. “How do I look?” Eileen was, in fact, more captivating than Virginia was willing to divulge, so instead she said, “Gorgeous, dear! Very sexy.” “Not too much cleavage?” “Don’t worry about the cleavage, hon. Lyle and I decided to blow off that requirement. We’re confident we can get away with it. I haven’t heard a censor squawk about cleavage since the 70s. I can say the same for ‘bounce’ too, for that matter. Hell, most of the talk shows bounce big cleavage across the screen all the time. Now just walk a little for me once and let’s see what we’ve got here.” As Eileen took a few steps across the small room, her gigantic breasts shimmied and wiggled just enough for television. The blue bikini was brief enough to sizzle, yet not prohibitively tiny. There was one minor problem. “That’s perfect, sweetheart. A little bounce is fine. We just don’t want this to turn into The Clash of the Titans.” Eileen chuckled. “We’re going to have to do something about your nipples, however. They’re sticking out a mile!” “I know. It’s cold in here.” “A couple Band-Aids will fix you right up. We don’t want them to disappear altogether, we just need to tone them down a little.” “Mm-hmm.” “Try on the little yellow bikini now.” “Okay, but it’s a little small.” “Just try it on; we’ll see.” Virginia had already decided on the blue one, but she wasn’t about to let this private peep show come to a stop. The yellow bikini was indeed small, barely covering Eileen’s broad areolae, and not really covering much of her fanny at all.” “You’re right. It shows too much. There’s hardly anything to it! Great for the beach but not for prime time. Try the purple.” When Eileen had slipped the top off, Virginia stopped her, saying, “We’ve got to do something about those nipples. Wait right here and I’ll go find some Band-Aids.” Virginia closed the dressing room door behind her, leaving Eileen alone in the spartan little room, feeling naked and abandoned. She stood waiting awkwardly, not knowing what to do with her hands, looking around at the blank white walls. She gazed down at her tremendous naked breasts, observing that her nipples were indeed greatly distended, and began flicking at them to see if they would get any bigger. Suddenly the door opened, but it wasn’t Virginia. A young man wearing headphones with a built-in microphone poked his head in and said, “We’re ready for you, Miss Lawrence.” His hungry eyes absorbed every square centimeter of Eileen’s luscious, nearly nude body. “Now? Where’s Virginia?” “I don’t know, ma’am. They need you now.” She shrugged and said, “Okay.” The technician watched rudely as she put on the tiny bikini top and tugged upward on the cups trying to cover her areolae. He pushed the door fully open and motioned for her to precede him. “You know,” Eileen commented casually, “it might be better if I follow you instead, since you know where we’re going and I don’t. Unless there’s some reason you want to walk behind me.” He rolled his eyes and sighed, “Come on.” Emily was led to the green room where other guests were waiting, watching the taping of the show on an overhead monitor. The needle-eater, the amazingly fat woman, the man who could fold himself up, and the firewalker all turned to look at Eileen, and gasped in unison. They all slid their eyes up and down her voluptuous body, settling upon the seemingly endless tract of swaying flesh that was her immense bosom. “Hi, everyone,” Eileen said sweetly. She sat next to the fat lady, feeling some odd sort of kinship with her. The leering needle-eater commented, “Well, we don’t have to wonder why she’s on the show!” The folding man and the firewalker laughed lewdly with him. The obese woman shot him a mean look and replied, “No, but I have to question why you are. Eating needles – let’s see – ah, you must be the world’s greatest genius!” The other geniuses chuckled at this barb, too. Eileen, though, only smiled and said, “That’s okay, I get teased a lot. Good grief, you should hear my brothers carry on! Believe me, I’ve already heard all the big boob jokes!” Virginia burst into the room with something draped over her arm. “I’m so sorry, honey!” she gushed. “They shouldn’t have moved you in here without my approval. Oh dear, you’re wearing the yellow. Shit. It’s so small!” “Naw, it ain’t too small,” the folding man interjected. “This is the 21st century! I seen less on a public beach!” “She’ll be fine, Miss Boatwright. Really,” the fat lady concurred. “You think?” Virginia asked, folding her arms and stepping back to look at Eileen. “Sure!” the amazingly large woman assured her. “I hope you’re right, because we don’t have enough time to change. Well, here goes!” She held up the cloak she’d been holding and said, “Let’s put this over your shoulders for your entrance.” Eileen stepped up to the shimmering garment and Virginia fastened it around her neck. It hung from Eileen’s shoulders but slipped off of her huge protruding bust. Virginia then took her by the hand and briskly led her out of the green room and to a mark backstage. “Let’s see if we can keep some of this as a surprise,” she mumbled as she began tugging on the cloak to make it cover Eileen’s huge tits. “I’m gonna need you to hold this together from the inside, honey. It won’t close otherwise, and I’ want you to dramatically open it up after you get your cue from Mr. Russell, the emcee. He’ll introduce you, you walk out on stage and just stand there for a second or two, and then you unveil yourself for everyone,” Virginia said, demonstrating with an imaginary cape. “Sure, I get it. Like this?” Clasping the edges of the cloak, she whisked it open with a little flair, not enough to be corny, and struck a pin-up pose. Virginia chuckled and said, “You’re a natural, sweetheart! So – are you ready?” Eileen nodded doubtfully and fixed the cloak back around her corpulent bust. The music came up over the playback speakers and the live audience was prompted to applaud. A camera zoomed in on the host, Bob Russell. “Welcome back to Guinness World Records,” he announced over the clamor. The theme song and applause quickly subsided and he continued, “Our next guest is a very special young woman who’s making her first public appearance anywhere, going for a new world record right here on our show tonight. She’s 24-year-old Eileen Lawrence from Columbus, Ohio, she’s 5 feet 3 inches tall, and her measurements are an incredible...,” he paused for effect, “96… 24… 36!” The audience murmured among themselves as a camera panned across their faces. “You heard me right; with a 96-inch bustline, Eileen Lawrence will be establishing a new Guinness category: the Biggest Breasts in the World!” The audience applauded wildly, and as the camera again recorded their reaction, the women were noticeably less enthusiastic than the men. While the men cheered, their wives and girlfriends clapped without ardor while looking around uncomfortably. The red “recording” light darkened and an announcer’s voice spoke from the playback speakers, narrating a two-minute synopsis of Eileen’s life, as it was displayed on the studio monitors. First a baby picture of her was shown while her personal background was filled in. Then a few grainy snapshots of her childhood flashed by, followed by a home video clip that portrayed a lovely young teenage girl with an unusually full bust for her age. This dissolved to a photo taken at her high school graduation wearing her cap and gown. The gown bulged out prominently in the front, but hid her figure in its folds. The video then switched to footage that Atlantic Productions had previously taken of Eileen at work and in her home. The scenes were artfully edited to provide only brief glimpses of her phenomenal bosom without letting the viewer get a good look yet. Shoulder shots and moving images provided enough to tantalize without giving away the farm. They showed her around the house – cooking, relaxing, riding her bicycle down the street – and at her office – sitting at her desk and later showing a house to some clients. The narrator talked about the difficulties life held for a woman with a 96-inch bust, plucking a bit at heartstrings to generate some sympathetic feelings. Then the monitors switched back to a live shot of Bob Russell there in the studio. “And now,” he intoned with understated drama, “will you please welcome – the incredible – Miss Eileen Lawrence!” He gestured to the curtain behind him where Eileen stood on her mark. Virginia patted her on the shoulder and gently guided her through the opening in the curtain. The applause grew more vehement when she emerged onto the studio floor. Most of the women had softened toward her as the result of the prerecorded segment, and she was given a very exuberant welcome. She walked to center stage and stopped on her mark, a large X applied with masking tape on the floor. As the audience continued to hoot and cheer, she stood still for a couple of seconds and then flung the cape aside with a flourish, hoping helplessly that her bikini top was still in position. The crowd applauded more wildly than ever at the sight of Eileen’s spectacular body, barely clad in her miniscule yellow swimsuit. At least one lady in the audience screamed as if a wild animal had been loosed. Barely covered by the tiny top, Eileen’s giant breasts swayed regally as she shifted from one subtle pose to the next. She grinned and waved, acknowledging the whistles and whoops from her admirers. ![]() The cloak around her shoulders had warmed her up before she went on, but now without it, her big nipples were starting to distend and the light-colored material of the bikini top contrasted the evidence vividly. The ovation eventually subsided, and Bob Russell walked up to her with his microphone in hand. “Nice to meet you Eileen!” “Nice to meet you, too.” Some guy hooted. “Now, you’re here today to claim the official Guinness record for the biggest bust in the world, is that right?” “I sure am!” she said with a big smile. “Can you tell us your bra size, please?” “Actually I can’t because they don’t make a commercial bra big enough to fit me.” The guy hooted again. “I understand you make all your brassieres yourself.” “Yes, I do. I had to start doing that when I was fourteen.” “We could see from the family photos we just saw that you’ve been unusually busty from a very young age.” “Yes I have. I started developing when I was eight years old.” “And how old were you when you stopped?” “Actually, I haven’t yet.” The guy hooted once more, and a large usher then stepped up beside him and explained that there would be no more hooting. “I told our audience your measurements earlier, but would you mind repeating them for us, please?” She grinned sheepishly and leaned toward the microphone, saying, “96-24-36,” which brought renewed applause from the studio audience.
As Russell gestured offstage to where Virginia waited with an extra-long tape measure in hand, he announced, “One of our producers is going to come out now and officially take Eileen’s bust measurement for us, and the Guinness judges will verify it.” Virginia took her cue and walked out with the judges: one male and one female. The emcee continued his banter. “It’s interesting to note here that we were not able to use a standard measuring tape like you’d buy at any sewing shop. Eileen’s bust is so large – we had to find a special tape that would accommodate the 96 inches that Eileen claims!” Tense music began playing as the camera closed in. Virginia drew the tape around Eileen’s tremendous bosom and brought the ends back together in front. Bob Russell spoke into the microphone with a hushed tone, “Do you get 96 inches?” Virginia paused and shook her head and said, “No.” A murmur went through the crowd. “Actually, I have here – ninety-seven inches!” “Ninety-seven!” he parroted. “Judges, will you verify, please.” The two officials leaned toward Eileen’s enormous boobs and studied the critical section of tape clasped between Virginia’s fingers. As one, they raised up again and nodded at the emcee. Triumphal music burst forth and the audience erupted into celebration as Russell shouted over the din, “It’s an official Guinness World Record: 97 inches – the largest bustline on Earth!” Virginia and the judges stepped off stage as cameras traded shots of the bosomy record holder. Russell continued, “Now as I said, this is a new category for Guinness, which opens up the competition to anyone who thinks they can beat the standing record. Frankly, I can’t imagine that happening, but before today, who would have imagined a woman with a figure like Miss Lawrence’s? Thank you for coming tonight, Eileen! Let’s give her a big hand – Eileen Lawrence!” The applause rose and the camera took one last lingering look at her before she was directed off the stage. After the program had been broadcast, Eileen made the rounds of the talk-show circuit, bringing down the house wherever she appeared. Letterman proposed marriage to her and Oprah affirmed her right to dignity. She turned down a fortune in offers from men’s magazines to pose nude within their pages. She nearly accepted one of the more lucrative offers, but couldn’t get past the idea of her brothers buying multiple copies of that issue for the purpose of finding endless ways to torment her with them. Eventually the furor began to subside, and just as Eileen’s life was starting to return to something closer to normal, she received a telephone call from Lyle Montford, inviting her to come to his office that afternoon. “I’m sorry for the short notice, Eileen, but a young lady came to see me today and she’d like very much to meet you. I thought you might like to meet her, too. Her name is Melissa Harding and she wants to challenge your record for the world’s biggest bust.” “Wow! No kidding!” Eileen intoned. “As a matter of fact, I’d love to meet her. When?” “Well, Virginia and I will be talking business with Melissa over lunch, so how about after?” “That’ll be good. Is around 1:30 too early?” “One-thirty is fine!” There was a knock at the door of Lyle’s office, and Barbara stuck her head in. “Miss Lawrence is here, Lyle.” “Great! Send her in!” Barbara stepped aside and Eileen walked in. There was Lyle, all smiles and handshakes, and Virginia stood grinning behind a cigarette, and then there was an exquisitely gorgeous young black woman with the most insanely immense pair of breasts. She was wearing a knit top with a deeply plunging neckline, and there was obviously no bra underneath it. Her enormous tits were wiggling all around like a pair of excited puppies. “Eileen, this is Melissa Harding – Melissa: Eileen Lawrence, our current record holder.” The two women smiled and shook hands, looking each other in the eye as they greeted each other, and then lowering their gaze to the other’s huge bust. “Oh, she’s definitely bigger than I am!” Eileen said softly. Melissa brought a hand to her cheek and said, “My! I’m not too sure about that anymore – you look so much bigger in person!” “Well maybe so, but I’ll be surprised if you don’t take the record.” They had stopped shaking hands but were still holding on, just staring at each other’s tremendous tits. Lyle and Virginia were nearly comatose, standing there in the awesome presence of four phenomenally grandiose mammary glands. “Well, let’s compare,” Eileen said, turning sideways to Melissa. Melissa did likewise, standing shoulder to shoulder with her. The flanks of their bulging bosoms pressed together as they nestled close to each other for a more accurate comparison. They looked down at their huge breasts abreast, and said together, “Wow!” Lyle and Virginia gawked at the sight of these gigantic boobs, all lined up like fat harvest pumpkins. “It’s hard to tell,” Melissa observed. “Yeah, it is,” Eileen agreed. Virginia had a tape measure in her pocket and had every intention of getting it out and wrapping it around Melissa’s spectacular set of tits, but at the moment, she was unable to function. “Maybe we ought to take off our tops and do this.” Melissa suggested. A mischievous gleam twinkled in Eileen’s eyes as she nodded her assent. They immediately began peeling off their tops, giggling somewhat bashfully. Melissa’s gigantic unbrassiered bosom was the first to be revealed, dangling freely in heavy undulations as everyone waited for Eileen to remove her bra. When she began having trouble with the clasp behind her back, Melissa came to her aid. The tips of the black beauty’s colossal mammaries poked into Eileen’s bare back as she wrestled with the big brassiere. Once it was unfastened, the bra came off and the two women stood face to face and tit to tit, admiring one another’s astounding figures. Everyone in the room was silently wishing they could have a picture of the scene. Eileen brought the palms of her hands up against the bottoms of her immense boobs and pushed up slightly on their corpulent mass. Melissa then did the same, moving forward just enough so the women’s enormous breasts brushed together in front. Eileen then moved even closer to the other girl and their gigantic bosoms pressed solidly against each other. As they studied the contrast of dark against light, their fingertips wandered toward the other’s flesh, offering subtle caresses in tiny, gentle strokes. Eileen then reached under Melissa’s vast tits and lifted them up in her hands. “Yours feel heavier than mine.” Melissa took Eileen’s huge boobs and hefted them in kind. They raised their eyes and looked at each other for a moment. “You know, to get a really good comparison, we need a big mirror,” Melissa suddenly announced. “Like the great big ol’ mirror I have in my bedroom at home.” Eileen nodded. “I agree completely: we do need a mirror. Too bad there’s not one here. So how close do you live?” “Twenty minutes.” “Wanna go now?” Eileen asked. “Yeah!” Melissa answered with a grin. “My car’s right out front.” They disengaged and began putting their tops back on as quickly as they could, Eileen skipping her bra and stuffing it into her purse. She glanced over at Lyle and Virginia, who were staring at the girls with open mouths. “Miss Harding and I are going to go have a private consultation before we go any farther, and we’ll see what we can work out between us. We’ll be in touch.” “Nice to meet everyone!” Melissa called on her way out the door, her immense boobs bounding merrily. “Good to see you again, guys!” Eileen said, following in like manner. Through the closed door, their giggling could be heard fading away as they pranced down the hall. Virginia stubbed out her cigarette on Lyle’s marble paperweight, and muttered, “Well shit on me!” “Don’t worry, Virginia,” Lyle sighed. “They’ll probably come back with a whole bunch of little baby giant-breasted lesbians, and you can have your pick of the litter.” Twenty minutes later, Melissa unlocked her front door and opened it for her new friend. Eileen smiled, and as she walked by, she playfully let the broad flank of her bosom brush against the front of Melissa’s jutting tits. Once the ladies were inside, the door was locked behind them and it was time to get serious. Without a word, they both whisked their tops off over their heads and stepped close. Their hands went directly to each other’s enormous boobs, exploring and playing excitedly. Clutching the broad sides of Melissa’s huge tits and lifting them slightly, Eileen said, “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw you in that office! I wanted to take your clothes off right then! You’re so pretty – and your boobs are so incredibly big!” “Baby, when I saw you on TV, I nearly shit! You are so hot! And now to find out that you and I are the same way – it’s incredible!” “Melissa,” Eileen said, fingering the other’s nipples, “I’ve got to know – let me take your measurements!” “Well, come with me into my bedroom – my tape is in there,” she answered with an impish smile. Melissa led the way to the bedroom, where she opened the drawer of her nightstand and took out a long measuring tape. Handing it to Eileen, she stood straight and proudly thrust out her chest, saying, “I’m all yours, my dear.” Eileen started with the hips, and then moved to the waist, saving the best for last. Finally, she threaded the tape under Melissa’s arms and pulled the ends around the front of her luscious, gigantic breasts. “My, my, my!” she muttered as she read the results. “I told you you’re bigger! You’re 99-23-37!” she announced, letting the tape fall away. “Don’t you worry about that world record, honey,” Melissa said, stepping out of her remaining clothes. Her immense tits dipped and swung heavily as she balanced on one foot. “I didn’t go to that man’s office looking for that.” Stripped naked, she caressed Eileen’s tremendous boobs and said, “I’m interested in pursuing something much more – satisfying…” Lyle sat at his desk moping, playing with a pencil. Eileen’s notorious appearance on Guinness World Records had aired two weeks prior, and was rated one of the most widely watched programs in television history. Fox had decided to rerun the same episode the following week due to overwhelming public interest, and the network was demanding a follow-up segment to be included in the next show produced. All of this would have been great if not for the fact that Eileen Lawrence had seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth! Her phone had been disconnected, she’d moved without leaving a forwarding address, and nobody had heard a word from her. Furthermore, Melissa Harding hadn’t called or shown up since she and Eileen had rushed out of Lyle’s office in a fever several days before. Unfortunately, he had not gotten around to writing down her address or phone number at that point, and he now found himself unable to contact either of the profoundly busty women. There was one knock on the door and it opened just wide enough for Barbara to peek in. “Lyle?” “Barbara, I told you no calls, and I don’t want to see anyone!” he barked. “Yes you do, sir. This is Cathy Maheras; I’m sending her in to see you now,” Barbara said, invulnerable to Lyle’s dirty look. He vented an exasperated sigh, wondering how a receptionist had become his boss. He sat up and straightened his tie as Barbara showed the visitor in. Lyle’s mood instantly changed when his brain registered what his eyes were seeing. The smiling young woman who approached him with outstretched hand had a bosom that was far bigger than either Eileen’s or Melissa’s: more than half again the size! Her massive breasts bounced and swayed ponderously beneath her white blouse as she walked. A huge bra was visible through the blouse, valiant in its attempt to restrain Cathy’s unimaginably immense bust. Her bosom was so enormous it bulged out profusely over her waistband and hung down almost to her hips, completely occluding her abdomen from Lyle’s view. Her nipples appeared to be as oversize as her breasts, poking out from under her bra and blouse to the point of being blatantly obvious. “Thanks for seeing me, Mr. Montford – I know this is a bad time. I had intended just to drop off my résumé and a demo tape,” she explained, “but your receptionist insisted you’d want an interview.” “A résumé?” “Yes, sir. I’d like you to consider adding my name to your pool of voice talent. I’ve done voiceover work in TV and radio spots for national accounts such as Chanel, Gerber, Quincy’s…” “Wait,” Lyle interrupted, shifting gears mentally. “You mean you’re here looking for work?” “Uh – yes, I am.” “Please,” he said with a big smile, “sit down.” Cathy eased into a chair facing Lyle’s desk, somehow feeling that something good might be happening but not having a clue what it was. Seated in the chair, her tremendous bosom completely filled her lap and spilled onto the armrests at either side. Lyle picked up the phone and punched in a number. “Virginia? My office. Now!” |